Missing Moments
by DaxLP
Summary: Drabbles about various characters from Naruto. Credit to x.eli-M.x and other request leavers for their assistance in scene ideas and requests! Ideas still welcome.
1. Smile

**Missing Moments**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and seeing as I couldn't be bothered putting this on every chapter, this will count for all of them. A series of drabbles from Naruto._

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Smile

Kakashi cringed every time he saw Naruto smile, whether it be fake or real. The former reminded him of Obito. The latter reminded him of the time Naruto had tried to hang himself. To this date it was one of the only three times Naruto had really smiled. One was the discount he received from Ichiraku for being their best customer and the other was when he found out that he wasn't a demon. Neither Sasuke nor Sakura ever saw him smile and for that Kakashi was glad.


	2. Shy

**Shy**

_A/N: I will write names in the English 'First name' 'Second name'. I am not Japanese and so do not intend to write in their style._

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Hinata Hyuuga never gathered the nerve to thank the kind boy who once helped her when she was lost. So one day she followed him to his apartment and left the present at his door. Iruka could not fathom the reason Hinata turned bright red and smiled after Naruto kicked in the door, proclaiming how great his new goggles were. It didn't make Iruka any less happy for her.


	3. Expect

**Expect**

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It was expected of Sasuke to take after his brother. He was expected to be just as talented as Itachi. So when he saw an appallingly dressed orphan speed by, he couldn't help but wish he was one of them. To be one of those who had no great burdens placed upon them because they lacked a family to place it upon them. Three weeks later and he was one of them. Oh and how he regretted thinking it. Worst of all though, was the sad, knowing look that very same orphan gave him afterwards.


	4. Original Prankster

**Original Prankster**

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Anko Miterashi looked out of her dango stand, curious as to why a civilian mob was screaming down the street. She soon spotted it: a young boy dressed in orange was sprinting ahead of the mob, cackling madly and swinging empty paint cans behind him. It was then she noticed the mob seemed to be made up of Haruno's and she muttered with a manic grin, "Why the hell didn't I think of that?" All the while Kakashi felt a thrill of dread shoot through him and whimpered, hugging his book and hair close to him.


	5. Original Prankster Part Two

**Original Prankster Part Two**

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Naruto abruptly stopped at the sight before him: a masked ninja with Haruno pink hair was pinned to the wall by dango sticks. A little paint splattered book was pinned next to him, but just out of reach of his grasping fingers. Naruto grinned from ear to ear, pulled out a permanent marker and scribbled a large **10** on Kakashi's face. Naruto skipped from the alley, roaring with laughter. Kakashi growled – he was going to murder Anko _and_ that brat. On a nearby rooftop Anko was lying on the ground in uncontrollable laughter.


	6. Believe It!

**Believe It!**

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The old man watched, sickened as the enraged mob charge after the boy. He watched with horror as one moved to make the final deathblow. He endured the feeling of a blade slide into him instead and the shocked, innocent eyes that stared towards him. He heard the clash of steel as the ANBU drove the mob away. He heard himself say "You aren't a monster. Believe it!" and he slipped away to the sound of a child crying. Naruto _would_ believe it and would use those words in the unknown old man's memory.


	7. Dream

**Dream**

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Neji Hyuuga was not alone in his dream. He fought his way through the grand struggle of the Main Branch holding him back and the Clan Elders' stagnant ways. He fought against his helplessness due to 'Caged Bird Seal' and almost succeeded, only to fall short at the end. Yet no one truly acknowledged him until the Chunin Exam, where Naruto crushed him and his beliefs in a single match. This didn't affect Neji as much as one would think as his dream, similar to Naruto's, had occurred. He was acknowledged and had Naruto to thank for it.


	8. Death

**Death**

_A/N: Any suggestions for different scenarios are welcome, as well as any hidden readers who don't seem to review. :) The idea for this chapter came from someone else's story on this site and I couldn't help but wonder..._

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The Shadow Clone had been forbidden for reasons which didn't necessarily relate to chakra use. When a Shadow Clone died, it really _died_ and the knowledge of death would go straight into the user. One of two things would happen; they'd gain an immense fear of death and live in sheer terror of dying, or live through it knowing there was something awaiting them when their years were spent. Orochimaru found out the former the hard way resulting in him using Mud Clones ever since and was always thankful that Jiraiya never knew about the incident.


	9. Lead by Example

**Lead by Example**

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Ebisu watched Konohamaru relentlessly pound the training post, often correcting his own stances. He couldn't help but wonder _why_ he was doing this, why he was pushing himself to the point of a grievous injury. It was only when he heard the explanation and saw the techniques that were used on Pain that he realised why Konohamaru was so adamant in keeping his promise. Suddenly, Ebisu was not so hostile for letting Naruto lead by example. His example had saved them both from unimaginable pain afterall.


	10. Outcasts

**Outcasts**

_A/N: I will on the other hand be using the Japanese honorific system as making an English equivalent of it doesn't work very well and nor does it look right._

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Kiba was the odd one out in Team 8; he was the only socially popular one there. So when Kiba was chatting up some civilians at a bar, the rest of his team exchanged Looks. "S-So, Shino-kun, what do you think the odds are of him getting a date?"

Shino carefully considered the situation in front of him then turned to Hinata with a slight smirk. "Logically, he has no chance." Shino's insects, obeying his silent command, quickly bundled Kiba out of the way of the angry females. Kiba had never been gladder to have Shino and Hinata as team mates: the battlefield wasn't the only place they saved him on, social outcasts or not.


	11. Parallels

**Parallels**

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Jiraiya was absolutely freezing; rain bucketed down, soaking him to the bone. His eyes were fixed on the blonde hair child sitting in front of him. The boy was completely unaware that he was being watched. Jiraiya watched helplessly as the tears trailed down the boy's face, mingling with the rain. He was surprised when the boy abruptly leapt to his feet and muttered with a pained look "They've found me!" and with tears still trailing down his face, ran off into the distance. Jiraiya felt déjà vu roll over him and thought sadly 'Why does everything about him remind me of Nagato?' He left at the sound of ANBU rushing to break up the approaching mob, aware that while he could help a complete stranger, he was helpless to comfort his own godson.


	12. I See Dead People

**I See Dead People**

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Kakashi was always known for his "cool" and chronically late personality. Nothing had the ability to faze him, or at least so his colleagues thought. Yet there were some things that truly disturbed Kakashi Hatake as Ibiki knew, such as Obito dying, Rin's disappearance/supposed death and finally, meeting his soon to be Genin team. He was struck with such a strong sense dread that he paused in the doorway he payed no heed to the chalkboard eraser impacting on his head, but the oddly familiar laughter reached him. It was with that he struggled out the only words that came to mind "Hmmm... how do I put this? My first impression of you is... I hate you." They never knew how true those words were. After all, _he_ saw dead people, _they _saw a complete stranger.


	13. Enemy of Your Enemy

**Enemy of Your Enemy**

_A/N: This scene is a request by_ **eli** -points at reviewers-_, who I once more thank for giving me this idea. :)_

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Minato watched with a barely concealed smirk as his badly shredded team entered the room, a yowling cat held between them. "Sensei how does this promote teamwork?"

"You'll know that all in good time, Rin." As Rin scowled at her teacher's answer, Obito turned to Kakash and asked "So, we going to dismember it next time?" A dishevelled Kakashi nodded with a hard look while Rin cracked her knuckles and with that his Genin team left the briefing room. They were all muttering death threats under their breath on the way out.

Minato smiled broadly, tickling the cat he said "Aww, good kitty. I look forward to the looks on their faces when they find out you were specially trained by the Daimyo wife to create chaos for Genin teams". With that Tora proceeded to meow innocently, before grinning evilly and showing razor sharp teeth. An enemy of your enemy was your friend, which was something all teams swore by in relation to Tora.


	14. Insomnia

**Insomnia**

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Gaara rocked back and forth violently. His limbs trembled uncontrollably while his uncaring father coolly watched on as his son was poked and prodded. The medic held a thinly veiled expression of distaste and 'accidentally' gave Gaara a rather hard jab in the stomach, resulting in a loud, completely ignored yelp. He then turned towards the Kazekage, nodded, then silently and swiftly left the room, the other man smoothly following. As Gaara watched his father leave he couldn't help but wonder if it was the monster inside him who caused the insomnia or his father's indifferent treatment towards him. He guessed the latter and was right.


	15. Bloody Reflection

**Bloody Reflection**

_A/N: Many thanks to _**eli** _for this scene request. I wouldn't be able to do daily (at least in Australia it is daily for me) updates without you. I'm seeing more people who aren't reviewing lurking around. –suspiciously looks around- I only need one sentence, even a "Great job!" will be fine. :) _

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Hidan leant forward to stare into the rivers depths and was assaulted by the view of the shimmering scales of fish and bright green lilies. For a moment, Hidan was transfixed by the tranquillity of the moment, until he noticed something terribly out of place. He touched the pristine water, only to find the fish fleeing from the bloody trails that washed away from his hand and his manic grin that seemed more inhumane and manic than Shukaku. _'Sometimes'_ he reflected _'Jashin can be a real whiny little bitch'_. "Hidan, get your arse over here, we have bounties to collect!" _'But that little bastard Kakuzu is worse'_. Blood spilt into the river by the gallons and Hidan thought bitterly '_not that I could ever say it aloud'_… with that, the moment was broken, along with the purity of the water.


	16. Essence of Art

**Essence of Art**

_A/N: Seeing as I've already done a couple of _**eli's **_requests, this request is from _**Luna**_. Many thanks once again to those who bother to review and even more thanks to those who leave a request! :)_

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"Eternal!"

"Momentary!"

"Eternal!"

_It's one of those days, _Kisame noted and promptly edged out of the room. The debate was steadily becoming more heated.

"Great art is eternal, a beauty that lasts forever. Unlike your momentary creations that disgrace art."

"Disgrace - I'll give you disgrace!"

_Wait for it… wait for it… _Kisame grinned broadly as a loud explosion rocked the hideout. _Hello misplaced aggression, _he thought lovingly, patting Samehada before kicking in the force with more force than necessary. "What the hell is going on? No fighting inside the hideout!" With that, Kisame threw them straight through the shattered remains of the door. _Ah, peace and quiet at last…_ Kisame thought, relaxing in a nearby chair… until he spotted what looked to be little clay figures of Deidara and Sasori glaring at him. _Oh shi…_By the end of it Sasori would happily agree that art is art… _Especially_ if it can do that…


	17. Predictions

**Predictions**

_A/N: Okay, another request on behalf of _**eli **-cheers-**.**_ God only knows how I'm going to do the one with Sakura. We'll see how it turns out next update then. :)_

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_I wonder what it'd be like if sensei and Kushina were still alive? Naruto would be treated like a human being and hailed as a hero and I'd never have witnessed that scene… There'd be a week long ramen festival on sensei's orders, as well as a month long 'Prank the Village Elders Festival' for Kushina. Rin might even still be around… sensei would have made sure she didn't go missing. They might have even given Jiraiya inspiration for a new Icha Icha _(insert perverted giggle here)_…_ Unfortunately for Kakashi Hatake, neither his sensei nor Kushina were still alive. Every day a part of him would wither away and die knowing that his predictions remained just that: predictions of a future never to be seen.


	18. Rin Reaction

**Rin Reaction**

_A/N: Ah, this is the request from _**eli **_that I have been dreading. Let me know how it turns out. :) Personally, I think this is my worst yet. Romance isn't something I particularly excel at as you will soon see._

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Anko and Ibiki lazily watched Sakura's attempt to brutally murder Kakashi. "Ya know Ibiki; didn't Kakashi do this to Rin at some stage?" Anko asked around a stick of dango which she was reverently munching on.

"I do believe he did. Excellent, more material for our next session," Ibiki smirked, pulling out a notepad.

"Now… you DIIIIIIIE!" Sakura's scream was quickly followed by an agonised shout, a very nasty crunching sound and an even nastier looking Sakura continuing to advance towards Kakashi.

"Erm, Ibiki, I think we should get the hell out of here."

"Agreed… and for kami's sake, put the dango away. You're worse than Itachi and his pocky."

Anko looked back at the scene of destruction and couldn't help but wonder why Kakashi was still living in the past. After all, getting a 'Rin Reaction' wasn't healthy, especially if the said person receiving the Reaction was too deluded to avoid it. Anko was glad she'd snapped those photos; blackmail was a beautiful thing when applied to Kakashi Hatake.


	19. Temptation

**Temptation**

_A/N: Yet another request from _**eli **_who I thank for giving me more things to write about__. :D Looks like I'm finally getting some experience with the romance genre._

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Juugo tipped his head in consideration before turning to Sasuke and asking, "Would you ever go back to Konoha for anything?" Sasuke remembered the shy, pale eyed girl from the academy who was the only one to never join his fan club, the only one who ever had to hold back in spars and the only one who truly didn't give a damn about him… It was truly fantastic. She was the only one who cared for Naruto for all the right reasons and Sasuke wasn't heartless enough to even attempt to deprive Naruto of that. With that Sasuke turned to Juugo, "No". Juugo couldn't help but notice what an appalling liar Sasuke was, but wisely kept his mouth shut.


	20. Delusions Part One

**Delusions Part One**

_A/N: Once again, a request from _**eli** _regarding Kakashi _–salutes for the idea-_. Come on readers! Give me some more requests or I'll have to relabel it as Kakashi being the main character. :) This one will be a few parts long. This is the 20th chapter, one fith of the way through! Only 80 chapters to go. :)_

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The sky was coloured by an odd haze of red, orange, pink and black with eye shaped clouds floating overhead. Kakashi heard the echoing pattering of footsteps heading towards him and turned to see Sakura. "Sensei… something's wrong… Naruto upset… moping… the Yondaime… won't leave…" Sakura's voice and figure seemed to bend and distort, fading in and out of existence. "Help… sensei… help!" Kakashi watched with morbid fascination as her figure once more shifted and started to fade from existence and reached out to grab her, only for his hand to pass through. He turned and saw the Hokages' face's shimmering and twisting in the distance and started to run towards it. The terrible sense of wrongness snapped at his heels as he pelted off into the distance.


	21. Delusions Part Two

**Delusions Part Two**

A/N: I get the impression I'm late with this update. Ah well, just means I'll just have to do two updates today.

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_What… what is this? _The village was completely empty and not so much as a soul stirred as he bounded from roof to roof. He came to a sharp, skidding halt outside of Ichiraku Ramen and felt his eye widen in shock. The laughing faces of Minato, Rin and Obito turned towards him, their appearances bending and morphing like Sakura. **Kakashi**… they whispered and with that Kakashi fled, this time not running towards his destination but fleeing towards it. Kakashi felt his eyes widen in terror as all of his past victims simply stared at him, not even moving and hissed out his name again… **Kakashi...**


	22. Delusions Part Three

**Delusions Part Three**

_A/N: I think that I'll do a bigger than usual chapter next update to finish this mini story off and get onto the other requests. :)_

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Kakashi was frozen at the sight before him. A blond hair, blue eye child was crying his eyes out in front of him. Tears flowed like a fast running river while Kakashi was simply staring at him at complete shock. "Naruto?" Kakashi whispered cautiously, reaching out a hand. The boy went still before slowly tuning to face him. "You're one of them! What did I ever do to you people? Why do you hate me so much?" and with that he fled up the mountain. Kakashi couldn't help but wonder why Naruto didn't flicker and morph like the others and so swiftly followed. The pain filled blue eyes haunted him all the way the way up the mountain.


	23. Delusions Part Four

**Delusions Part Four**

_A/N: So we now reach the last chapter of Delusions, unless _someone_ requests another chapter. I'll be holding off doing the Kakashi requests for a little bit. I _really _need a break from them. _–Passes out from exhaustion-

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"Why does everyone hate me? I haven't done anything to did my parents hate me enough to leave me like this?" Kakashi stretched out a hand and lightly gave Naruto a pat on the shoulder.

"Your parents didn't hate you Naruto. They cared for you as much as I care about my beloved Icha Icha." Kakashi gave him a very large eye smile while Naruto gave Kakashi a look of utmost disbelief.

"Is that even possible, sensei? I mean, I didn't think anything could be compared to a pervert's love of porn." Kakashi's eye gained a wonderful twitch and Naruto mentally celebrated.

"All that matters is that your parents loved you, no matter what you may think. Want to hear about them?"

"Not right now sensei. The painkillers are wearing off and the Old Hag is going to rip you a new one for almost killing yourself. Oh yeah, you might want to tell the real Naruto what you told me. I'm sure it'd clear some problems up, rather more than confessing to your own subconscious will." With that, 'Naruto' winked and, in a glorious flash of white light, disappeared.

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As Kakashi opened his eye, it absorbed the alarmingly clear image of a furious old lady cracking her knuckles menacingly. He heard an amused, childish chuckle and couldn't help but think _you complete brat Naruto_, before the **Tsunade Style: Fist of Doom **happily relieved him of his consciousness. He briefly grimaced before it connected, not because of the pain, but the aggravating laughter originating from one corner of the white, sterile room.


	24. Calm

**Calm**

_A/N: Seeing as there are multiple requests to see Shino from _**eli **_and _**megi52**_, here it is. :) Remember, as long as your requests don't contain yaoi (I'm really uncomfortable with writing it) or XXX rated scenes, I'll write it. :)_

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Shino was the master of all calm. A mass of nude, female joggers could run by and not even get as much as twitch out of him. Most would say it was an Aburame trait and they would be correct. Dealing with reports from his bugs scouting is more important than listening to Kiba's antics, so he thought. He was tragically proven wrong after Kiba once groped a passing waitress who then attempted to brain him into the next existence with a paper napkin. Shino couldn't help but ponder the lack of logic in the napkin's effectiveness at dealing damage and reserved himself to paying to more attention to these things in future. The priceless look on Kiba's face while it happened helped the decision quite nicely.


	25. Morning Thoughts

**Morning Thoughts**

_A/N: _**Ayase** _has provided me an in depth profile on an original character idea. This same said character will be popping every now and again in an unknown amount of parts in the odd interlude when I feel like something different. _This_ request comes from _**eli **_and has a character I haven't written about yet. :)_

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If Kurenai Yuhi had been a true romantic she would spend her mornings lamenting her lost love and all the things they never got around to doing. She would cry over the fact that her child would never know its father and that Asuma would never see his baby grow up. Kurenai Yuhi was not a true romantic, she was a pregnant woman who was currently suffering from morning sickness and only had one thought on her mind which she expressed, "KIBA! HURRY UP WITH THAT BUCKET!" Kiba had a new motto – **Kyuubi has nothing on a pregnant woman scorned**. Every male member of the Rookie 9 swore by it before the end of Kurenai's pregnancy.


	26. Obsessive Compulsive

**Obsessive Compulsive**

_A/N: Ok, another request from _**eli **_and _**megi52 **_who both wanted to see Shikamaru._

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Shikamaru was not necessarily lazy as such, but more occupied. To have such intellect manifested itself in odd ways and the Naras' were fortunate not to have theirs manifest as a form of sociopathic behaviour. The Naras' had theirs develop as an intense form of laziness, also known as cloud watching. So when Shikamaru would have many millions of thoughts rushing about his head he would simply stare up at the clouds in order to banish the thoughts. Of all the people who had ever pondered Shikamaru's habits only one had ever come close and that was Naruto when he yelled out "Shikamaru, move your lazy, obsessed arse. We're getting lunch now." Shikamaru would have passed it off if it hadn't of been for that knowing smirk thrown out along with the sentence.


	27. Puppy Dog Eyes

**Puppy Dog Eyes**

_A/N: This request comes from _**Ayase **_and _**Luna**_._

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He trembled and twitched in his sleep, his dog gently nipped at his fingers an attempt to wake him. He thrashed violently before opening his eyes and giving a panicked yelp. Kiba gave his dog a loving pat that only an Inuzuka could give, sweat running down his face. "Oh thank Kami, nothing happened to you! Phew… That horrible dream… That horrible napkin wielding hag... I thought she got to you, so real…" With a painful shudder he slipped into a deep sleep, never knowing that the aforementioned hag gave Kiba's sensei a thumbs up and a very large wink.


	28. Matchmaking

**Matchmaking**

_A/N: Sorry about the lateness, but an electrical storm prevented me from updating. If you want to murder something please murder that. :) This is a request from _**Ayase**. :)

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Yahiko and Jiraiya were exchanging Looks with each other.

"They so have it for each other."

"Such inspiration! I get the feeling I could write a book on them." A perverted giggle was transformed into a muffled cry of pain and Jiraiya was soon nursing a lump on his head. "Damn brat."

"Less perverted plotting, more ideas on pairing them up. Kami, for being a supposed expert you really suck at this." Yahiko smirked cheerily at an enraged Jiraiya.

"Alright, brat, heres what we'll do and if you stuff it up it's your problem."

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In the room next door Konan and Nagato were exchanging Looks of their own, but more along the lines of 'My God, we're right here'.

"So, Nagato, any ideas on what to do with our 'matchmakers'?"

"We could always swap the male and female signage around at the bathhouse." Nagato suggested this with a very rarely seen evil look that would have made Yahiko whimper if he'd seen it. Konan smirked slightly.

"Hmm, what about Yahiko? We can't let him off."

"It'd be a real shame if sensei 'caught him' burning his unfinished manuscripts."

"… You're evil…" Nagato smiled slightly in response and flicked out a box of matches which he gently threw to Konan.

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Jiraiya and Yahiko briefly stopped their bickering as a feeling of dread washed over them. They both got the feeling from the murderous intent that this was going to get them killed one day and how very right they were.


	29. Awkward Friendships

**Awkward Friendships**

_A/N: This request is for _**megi**_. Enjoy! :)_

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Sai, Gaara and Naruto winced at the furious blond women in front of them. "Who", she hissed, "was responsible for this mess?" The three didn't exchange the slightest look and their facial expressions didn't budge an inch as they unanimously said "Jiraiya did it."

"Well, gentlemen, it seems as though I have some unfinished business to attend to." Sai, Gaara and Naruto had barely left the room before they heard "JIRIA-YAAAA!"

"Phew, we barely made it out of that one. I know I picked Jiraiya because he nicked my wallet, what about you guys?"

"He seemed like the most convincing choice." They both answered. Naruto sniggered in amusement which became a cringe as Jiraiya's screams of agony echoed throughout the village and such killing intent filled the air that even the Kyuubi became afraid. The three exchanged looks before pelting from the Hokage Tower.

"Er, Sai, what is that?" Naruto asked bemusedly.

"It's a camera. I managed to get a few photos before we left. Would you mind posing for a group shot?" Gaara and Naruto shrugged while Sai drew an ink creature to hold the camera. With a binding flash of light Sai's Friendship Scrapbook started, much to the shock of everyone who knew him. This was except for Gaara and Naruto of course: they knew nothing created friendships better like pitting Sannin against each other of a morning.


	30. Raining Six Tails Interlude

**Raining Six Tails Interlude**

_A/N: This OC is the complete idea of _**Ayase **_and if anyone feels like borrowing the idea, well, you'd best not ask me, I'm just doing the request. :) If you want to have a request about an OC, I just need a vague idea of their personality, the scene you want them in and I can do it. These interludes will pop up every now and again._

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Meisu Inuzuka, once Konoha resident, now the Ame terror, was quite enjoying the spectacular lighting show. The arcing bolts of lighting tearing across the night almost made her whoop in excitement and bounce off walls at high speed. She would have if not for the set of eyes fixed on her with all the apathy of a complete stranger. _Well, he's been a complete stranger since Yahiko died. Complete raving lunatic now as well. Damn I miss the old Nagato; at least I could have a civilised conversation with him without him trying to seal me in that statue. _

"Meisu." Pain acknowledged.

"Pain… Nagato… whoever the hell you are these days." Meisu replied and the moment the other Paths hit the ground she knew this wasn't a social call and decided to hightail it out of there while providing a verbal blow.

"There is no escape."

"Nothing says I can't try… Hmmm, oh, how's the girlfriend lately? Still having dominance issues?" For a moment that very few would ever see in a life time, Pain's apathetic mask slipped.

"She is _not_ my girlfriend!" Meisu sniggered, made a hand seal and dispersed into a thrashing mass of electricity which was quickly absorbed by the swelling storm. "The container of the Six Tailed Lightning Weasel is more trouble than she's worth." Of that, all of the numerous Akatsuki would happily agree, all being no more successful in the matter than their Leader. Kisame was the most irritated by Meisu; he never did quite forgive her for frying Samehada with her lightning element.


	31. Beware Snakes not Spiders

**Beware Snakes not Spiders**

_A/N: Ok, I am once again getting through _**eli's **_block of requests. Only one more after this and I can give more attention to the other ones. So the bane of my existence returns: Kakashi. :) _Sage: I will eventually get around to all requests. :)

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Kakashi was humming a merry tune as he happily skipped down the lane with lasted edition of porn in hand. He was caught in such a moment of pure bliss that he failed to see the large huntsmen spider daintily dangling off a silk thread in front of him. In a show cause and effect he consequently ran into it; he stared at the tarantula and it stared back with a rather blank look. A high pitched scream alerted the ANBU who charged to the scene. They had found that after seeing the spider Kakashi had leapt into the nearest possible person's arms. Unfortunately for him, that same person was Anko on a dango run who was now patting him like one would a frightened animal. "Aww, you're gonna be good for Anko or she's going to spread this story as far as Iwa. Yes she is, yes she is! Whose Anko's little bitch? That's right you are!" The ANBU captain decided that anyone who was subject to such treatment had the right to that description… that and the most humiliating over exaggeration during lunch that he could get away with. For the next year Anko awoke to find her favourite dango waiting for her on her bedside table, courtesy of the ANBU.


	32. Dead, Annoying, Loving It!

**Dead, Annoying, Loving It!**

_A/N: Never thought I'd have to say it, but I'm being swamped in requests. :) As _**megi **_pointed out, tarantulas don't spin webs, but I actually have seen one in a web. I have the sneaking suspicion that the former resident didn't die of old age. This one is for _**Ruby-san**_. :)_

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Nagato and Konan sat silently, disbelievingly glaring at the grave in front of them. Nagato was too late and Konan had no idea what was going on. Neither of them cried when they found his corpse and Hanzo's men looming over it, proclaiming their five on one victory against the "little brat". When Nagato snapped and killed all them in cold blood they simply felt an odd calm. When Konan reached into Yahiko's pocket and read out his Will they were gob smacked: **My Last Will, blah blah blah, I leave everything I own to Konan and Nagato who can murder each other over it.** **Konan, Nagato, I lied: I was the one who spread that rumour to Jiraiya that you were both dating. I'd like this on my tombstone **_Dead, annoying, loving it!_ Nagato didn't quite hold true to this; he wrote '_Dead, annoying, too badly dismembered to be loving it' _instead as his one last jab at Yahiko. Fortunately, Jiraiya didn't stumble across Yahiko's empty grave, otherwise he would have recognised the handwriting and proclaimed Nagato to Naruto's long lost cousin for wit alone. Oddly enough, if Jiraiya had of found that grave Naruto would have carved the exact same message as Yahiko's on Jiraiya's and never known the irony.


	33. Youth

**Youth**

_A/N: For _**megi **_and _**Sonar.**_ Enjoy! :) Sorry if I didn't respond to your reviews this time, but I'm feeling a bit sick today and I appreciate ALL of them. THANK YOU! :D_

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Neji and Tenten turned to look at the horrors behind them. "Faster, they're catching up!" Neji sent his legs into overdrive – and promptly stepped on a banana peel. He slid down the street faster than a set of Sharingan eyes could follow… backwards. "Neji, you have decided to join us in our wonderful display of YOUTH!" The two green clad figures glomped him and a marvellous sunset hovered in the background.

"NOOOOOOOO! It bur-ns!..." With that, Neji's flailing hand was dragged into the mass of hugging. Tenten watched on in horror, _Sorry about this Neji, but it's the only way I can get them off you_. It was then she screamed out "RAPE" as loud as humanly possible. Neji never did quite forgive for this incident and so used her as a human sacrifice ever time they came after him.


	34. Big Brother

**Big Brother**

_A/N: This is the last in _**eli's **_original __block of requests. I think I may have to ask you all to slow down on some of the requests, I'm losing track of all them. :) Thank you once more! _Ami: I will eventually get around to your request like the rest of them. :)

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Itachi silently watched the interaction of Team 7 and saw them for what they were. He saw Sakura's lack of exposure to the real world, Naruto's constant hunt for acceptance and suffering and Sasuke's desire for vengeance. "What a sad looking bunch. That blond one looks like he's been through hell and back, well, either that or a Meeting." Kisame noted making a pointing motion with his stick of stolen pocky. "Take a look at your brother, if he spent as much time training as he did brooding then even our esteemed Leader might have a spot of trouble with him. That pink haired banshee, I'm still wondering how she passed the exams – her wails would alert anything 10 miles away to her presence." Itachi silently agreed with Kisame and was slightly sad to see his brother's condition.

"Come Kisame. We are leaving before the ANBU find us." As Itachi took one last look at his brother, he was relieved to see a slight smile appear at the antics of the blond and pink haired banshee.

"Would you look at that, your brother isn't a complete bastard after all." Kisame was treated with a Look directed at the stick of pocky hanging out of his mouth.

"Kisame, pass the pocky already. You are starting to dig into my share." God forbid Itachi actually showing that he did care about his brother, it would completely ruin his own bastard image.


	35. Beautiful Relationships

**Beautiful Relationships**

_A/N: This is a break from requests for me. :) I'll get back to them in a little bit, after I've gotten these ideas out of my head. :)_

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Anko was enraged. No one and she meant _no one _ever wasted her time like this and she'd be damned if her reputation suffered because of it. Kakashi Hatake's reign of tardiness was about to end, even if it took years she would do it. It was common sense when she realised she may need help when it came to matters such as this and that is what lead her to the Master of All Pranks: Naruto. "Soooo, you want me to help you humiliate the one-eyed late marvel into the next existence."

"Yeah, that's about right. Now, what about the payment method?" Naruto grinned.

"Oh don't worry; it's the thought that counts." Anko and Naruto exchanged evil smirks and thus began the embodiment of a beautiful relationship and the suffering of Kakashi Hatake. This unholy alliance of the purest evil would haunt him for years to come, that and the laughter from his colleagues that seemed to follow him everywhere.


	36. Epic Revenge

**Epic Revenge**

_A/N: I believe _**megi **_wanted to know what Naruto, Gaara and Sai did to make Tsunade so angry in _Awkward Friendships_, well, this is how it happened. :) 50 reviews! 0.o Thank you so very much! :D_

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Sai 'casually' flicked out his easel and associated painting equipment and was about to settle in for the long haul. He was interrupted when an extremely unwelcome figure appeared next to him, also known as Jiraiya. "Hey, kid, can you do me a favour? There's this little job I need done and surely an artist of your talents can do it." Sai gazed blankly at him.

"Sorry, but I don't associate with people who the Hokage currently want dismembered." With that Sai gestured at the Hokage monument and its new additions. Tsunade's face on the monument now had a rather gargantuan set of assets with a large hand apparently poking them in fascination. It was moulded with stunning precision, right down to the coloured, tiny toad sitting on the index finger. If one had of looked closely they would have seen the entire set up was made from sand, a healthy amount of Naruto's trademark super glue with elements of Sai artistry in colour as well a little something else that was not quite distinguishable.

So as Jiraiya turned pale and ran down the street screaming like Sakura at her fan girl best, Naruto smirked as he observed the scene from a distance. "Not stopping at Kakashi are you Anko?"

"With the genius that is you Naruto, the world wouldn't be too much of a problem." Naruto grinned at the compliment and offered his partner in crime a stick of dango.

"Now, we just need to look convincing enough to pin it on Jiraiya, not that it should cause us any problems." The two promptly sniggered at the misfortune of those who invoked their wrath and rubbed their hands together in sadistic glee at future prospects.


	37. Target Practice

**Target Practice**

_A/N: Excuse the lateness, please; I have once more been mown down by the fiend known as illness. This one is for _**Sonar **_who really would hate to see what happens if someone were to badmouth Neji in front of Tenten while he wasn't around. It may not have been a request, but writing this sort of thing is fun. ;)_

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Tenten paused in her stride – had she really just heard that? _Why that little witch_, she thought with an animalistic snarl. "What was that you hag? What did you say?" and with that vicious snarl the blond, pig like girl turned around and sneered at Tenten.

"I said you disgrace of a female, that Neji Hyuga looks, walks and talks like a girl. Why can't he be manly like Sasuke?" At the mention of Sasuke hearts appeared in her and her friends eyes. Tenten's eyes narrowed in disgust and hatred. _This means WAR!_

"Would you like to repeat that?" Tenten asked sweetly with a homicidal gleam in her eyes. The pig girl whimpered as killing intent flooded the air.

"Because…"

The girl started to back away slowly at the sight of the scroll.

"If so…"

The girl moved away more quickly.

"START RUNNING!"

Tenten loosed her weapons from the scroll at a ridiculous velocity.

"GET BACK HERE YOU HAG!"

_Target practice is on. Tis hag hunting season _and Tenten was in hot pursuit of her victim.


	38. Target Practice: Retrieval

**Target Practice: Retrieval**

_A/N: This will probably be my last break chapter before I head back to proper requests. :) Some credit does go to _**Ruby-san **_for this one. ;)_

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"Aw, I can't believe we got this lame mission. Shouldn't we be doing something more important?" Naruto whined.

"Okay brat, listen up. For starters: you weren't even asked to come on the mission; you just tagged along and for seconds: who knows what juicy blackmail material we may find?" Anko grinned sneakily at the blond beside her.

"Who cares? I just came along to make sure I got my ramen off you." Naruto grinned embarrassedly. "Blackmail can wait until tomorrow."

"Shut it brat. There's something up ahead." With that she wrapped an arm around Naruto and leapt upwards into what appeared to be a thornbush oddly located in tree branches. "Arriving! Oh and what do we have here? Did wittle Miss Piggy get seen and hogtied by some overexcited hunter?" Ino would have been thrashing around in rage… had it not been for the fact she hogtied with duct tape, had her clothes shredded, an apple in her mouth and was dumped in the middle of a thornbush with a sign saying **I am a hag! Here me roar!** Naruto, unable to control his urges, pulled out a camera and merrily snapped away.

"Mmm, blackmail… looks like the ramen can wait." Anko could only smirk at the look on Naruto's face: it easily put Orochimaru to shame.


	39. Half Life

**Half Life**

_A/N: My break from proper requests is now over. :) This one is for _**Luna **_then _Sage's _will be next. ;)_

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Konan had long since abandoned crying; it made her paper cling to itself, but it was moments like these that gave her the urge. Nagato was once again in a sorry state; his deathly pale and not to mention thin appearance seemed that much worse when he was coughing up blood. She faintly frowned at his slumped form and took great care to drape a blanket over it. For a moment she wondered why he bothered to use the Paths when he was perfectly capable without them in the first place. _He's never been the same since Yahiko died… I don't think he ever will be the same again…_ Unknowing to her, one of Nagato's eyes briefly flicked open. He spied the faint tear trail creeping down her face leaving wet paper behind and, not for the first time, he regretted his cursed half life.


	40. Stalker

**Stalker**

_A/N: This one is for _Sage_; I can't forget my anonymous reviewers who I thank for reviewing. :)_

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Hinata was very careful not to be seen as she watched Naruto being beaten senseless by his clones. It was a dense section of the forest, wrapped in gloom and thorny bushes which encircled the perimeter of the clearing. She held back a gasp as what appeared to be Naruto's tortured body sailed through the air and into a tree before turning into smoke. Hinata shuddered and stumbled backwards into the forest before fleeing. Naruto watched her the entire time with a strangely impassive look, being sure to keep the nastier inhabitants of the Forest of Death from maiming her into the next existence. Naruto followed her out, satisfied that his secret was safe.


	41. Almost Clan Demise

**Almost Clan Demise**

_A/N: For _**eli **_who wanted babies and Sasuke. Damn it, I'm so glad I have two weeks of holidays after next week, I'll need it to get through all the requests. :)_

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Naruto stared at the tiny infant sitting on Sasuke's lap and it stared back with unappalled curiosity. Sakura had been reduced to an unconscious heap on the ground at the site of the child; the council had been rubbing their hands together, Tsunade groaned at the amount of paper work it meant and Naruto, doing the most sensible thing, went over to greet him.

"Back for good you ungrateful bastard?" He inquired, watching the youngster snatch at his fingers.

"It would seem so considering the circumstances, idiot."

"So says the bastard who spent his nights pulling snakes-" Most unfortunately for Naruto, Sakura awoke before he could finish his sentence.

"-Don't say it, moron!" The promptly smacked him across the back of the head. Without even asking Sasuke for permission, she picked up the little boy and carried him off as though he were her own.

"Bastard?"

"Idiot?"

"I don't think you should tell anyone that it's Itachi's kid, imagine what the council would do." Seeing Sasuke's horrified look he added, "ah, don't worry Sasuke, I won't tell them about your little problem when it comes to making kids, that'd be just cruel… Wow, he really does look just like his dad, complete with those wrinkly things under his eyes…" The second last, completely sterile Uchiha, could only gape as his friend winked at him before running after Sakura. However the Naruto found out about that he'd never know. Naruto's spy rings on the other hand would be receiving a _very _generous bonus and many a bottle of sake.


	42. No Escape

**No Escape**

_A/N: No reviews last chapter? _–cries- _This one is for _**Ayase**_, this one was a bit hard for me to write_. :(

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_The bickering… Kami, make the… bickering stop… _Much to Sasuke's displeasure, it did not stop, but escalated to an even more unbearable degree. _That's it! _"BE QUIET! You're worse than the loser and the pink haired banshee. Take your lover's quarrel outside and let me sleep." With that, he flung himself back into his coverings while Suigetsu and Karin were bodily dragged from the room by Juugo. Just as Sasuke was about to return to sleep, the demonic noise of lovers in denial rose once more and Juugo could be heard berating them fiercely once more. _There's no escape… no escape from Naruto and Sakura and their apparent mirror images. _As Sasuke closed his eyes yet again, his vision blurred and this time it had nothing to do with his cursed Sharingan or deteriorating eyesight, but the stream of tears running down his face.


	43. Vicious Cycle

**Vicious Cycle**

_A/N: This is for _**Ayase**_, sorry about the lateness but I couldn't get onto the website last night for whatever reason. The relationships of the OCs can be found in the request review that _**Ayase **_left._

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Nagato, Yahiko, Konan and Meisu watched with fascination at the full scale war going on the streets of Ame. It was the first time they'd seen Dein attempt to brutally murder Kein over dating Fein and so a must watch. "Wow! Damn, we should have charged an admission fee for all the people watching. We'd be rich!" Meisu cackled manically while Nagato slowly backed away from his sanity deprived friend.

"Oh, come on Meisu, we can still charge admission. This _is _our plot of land after all. Ouch, Fein just nailed her brother right between the legs. That's gonna hurt in the morning! Well, I suppose that's what happens when you get inbetween a dating couple." Yahiko was riveted to the impact after impact Fein sending into her big brother.

"Hey, Konan, popcorn?" Meisu offered only to find Konan shying away in embarrassment towards Nagato who was observing with a critical eye.

Meanwhile the war suffered a step up with Dein chasing Kein and Fein chasing Dein with jutsu now flying between them. Nagato summed up all their thoughts on the twisted people brawling below, "What a vicious cycle, but not quite as good entertainment as Jiraiya being caught peeping".


	44. Growing Up

**Growing Up**

_A/N: This is for _**Ami**_. Enjoy! This one is more serious than most of my others as well as much longer. :)_

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Sakura and Ino had once only felt old, but now looked it with the dark rings under their eyes and their universal haunted expression. "Hey, Sakura, remember when we use to chase after Sasuke when we were younger?" Ino asked, a slight smile tugging at her lips.

"How could I forget the brawls we had over him… Kami, I feel like such an idiot now that I think about it, after everything that's happened."

"Don't we all? How were we meant to know that Sasuke would leave like that? We didn't, simple as that."

"Ino, we _should have known_, that's the whole problem. The fact that he moped around and expected everything handed to him on a platter was a massive warning sign that he'd one day leave."

"He came back though."

"Yeah, Ino, he _really _came back when it mattered." Sakura snarled sarcastically.

"Oh, come on Sakura."

"No I won't "come on" seeing as Sasuke almost blew the entire village to kingdom come and is hailed as the next greatest thing when he bothered to come back. What happened to Naruto? He was ignored, treated like a highly dangerous animal and spat on by almost everyone. Naruto is still right; Sasuke is a bastard, no matter what I once thought."

"You're over exaggerating; you are just upset that he didn't go to Naruto's funeral!"

"Naruto, Ino," Sakura ground out, "did more for this village than anyone else ever did. For that-that _complete bastard _to come back and not even go to his funeral when Naruto had done so much him was the lowest thing he could do."

"Naruto had a good li-"

"-No he didn't! He was seventeen years old, Ino! Seventeen! You tell me how such a short, misery filled life is considered "good"? He never _had _a chance to live, he was a weapon, sent out when needed and locked in the darkest corner possible when not and ignored. All because people made him rely on that damn fox, every time it would cut years off his life until it finally did kill him." Sakura was trembling as she turned and laid down the bright orange and black flowers in front of the out of the way grave.

"Okay, okay, forget I said anything…" Ino took the time to actually glance around the deserted sight. "Do you know why he wanted to be buried here?"

"He grew up Ino, unlike some of us, and realised that seeing as in the end the village didn't care about him, he didn't have to care back. In the end, everything is about how we grow up…"

After they left supposedly empty clearing, a figure with glaring red eyes dropped to the ground, flowers in hand. A minutes silence passed. "Everyone may be content to forget you, even me once upon a time, but like Sakura said; people grow up. Sorry… Naruto…" If Naruto had of been alive long enough to hear those words, he would have been shocked beyond words, idiocy and even the common sense that told him crying in public over a traitor was not a good idea.


	45. Live a Little

**Live a Little**

_A/N: For _**Ruby-san**_, I don't know much about Sai's character so please forgive me if he is out of character._

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Sai felt an odd sense of déjà vu at the sight of Naruto. It was first actual emotion he had felt in what seemed to be a very long time. **Too long… **The Voice whispered. **Far too long… you need to **_**live**_** a little… **it hissed in an almost teasing voice. _You're not real, you're dead, stay that way! _Sai didn't notice the look of concern Naruto threw his way, but he _did _notice the blow which sent him skidding across the soft grass. "What was that for?" He didn't bother to smile this time; it would only anger his team mate further so it seemed.

"Come on, this is a spar! Live a little, bring out your awesome jutsu!" Sai felt something unfamiliar sweep through him… **It's called fear, but are you really **_**that afraid of him? **_**Don't worry, it'll be fine… See? Even he agrees, **_**live**_** a little…** Sai could even hear the smirk in the tone of voice. Not that he had time to respond with the vicious uppercut soaring his way courtesy of the blond. Shocked by what appeared to be the physical reincarnation of his deceased brother, he allowed a very small, very real smile to grace his features. **Took you long enough… **A quick burst of slightly mad laughter and the voice was gone, not to return until the day of Naruto's funeral and then it was only to say **S****orry…**


	46. Another World

**Another World**

_A/N: For _**Ayase **_and my god those requests piling up are starting to scare me. 0.o Almost looks as scary as my maths homework. :)_

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Reality and dreaming were two necessary parts of life. In order to exist you needed reality and in order to cope with reality you needed dreams. The more you dealt with in reality, the more you dreamed. It was no wonder Konan spent a very great time asleep, more so than even Nagato with his chronic chakra exhaustion. Nagato had dealt with his tortured reality, yet Konan who he depended on, was still enthralled in things that never were. Nagato's Human Path reached forward, gently brushing the sleeping form of Konan on the forehead and was assaulted with a stream of activity.

_Nagato, Konan, Meisu and Yahiko were running through sunny streets of Ame without a care in the world…_

_He watched amusedly as Jiraiya was beaten to within a half inch of his life…_

_He observed their teacher fervently refusing that he was crying at Yahiko's and Meisu's wedding…_

_He watched all the things that never were…_

The Human Path applied slightly more pressure to Konan forehead and she began to stir. _Another world and anther life, perhaps Konan, but dreaming will never let you escape reality._ With a slight bit more pressure, Nagato reluctantly brought Konan back into the cold, cruel world.


	47. ANBU Ailments

**ANBU Ailments**

_A/N: This is for _**eli, **_hopefully it won't be as depressing as my last few chapters. :)_

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Kakashi sighed at the speck of soot that was once an Iwa spy. Day after day, mission after mission for however many years and only now was he wondering why he bothered. He risked death every day for a lousy pay check, with little to no appreciation from anybody who knew the importance of the work he would partake in. _Why do I bother? I only have my precious Icha Icha to keep me company these days… and I can pay for that with even D rank mission pay. _"Oi, Cyclops? Up for round two?" Kakashi could feel the little bubble that was his world collapse on him as Anko and Naruto eyed him hungrily.

"Brat, when we catch him I wanna see if I can make his heart power my alarm clock." That was Kakashi cue to run like hell away from the two sociopaths behind him. _Stuff the pay, stuff the reputation and stuff the danger. THIS is the real reason I have to quit the ANBU at the end of this year. _The hunt and betting pool were on as Kakashi sped through the streets with two deranged sociopaths comparing torture methods behind him the entire way.

Naruto's cry of, "Kakashi, come on, we only want to dissect you!" only made him increase his speed as he ran away from the duo. _I really have to look into any possible relationship that kid has with Orochimaru. That manic look _has got_ to be genetic. _


	48. Clan Loyalty

**Clan Loyalty**

_A/N: Another one for _**eli** _and another one down in that big block of requests._

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Fugaku Uchiha was by no means completely disloyal to his clan in the beginning, but later he… disliked it… immensely. He disliked the way the elders forced his hand with Itachi and Sasuke. He disliked the way his clan was known for its arrogance and Sharingan instead of the skill it took to train it or the years to perfect those copied jutsu. He disliked the stigma of being unable to walk down the street without someone sneering about how untrustworthy Uchiha's are and how they have no natural talents. Most of all, he disliked the elders of both clan and council who would constantly force the clichés of the clan name back onto him. When Itachi was about to deal the death blow to his father, Fugaku whispered Itachi's eventually most treasured words. "Clan dislike, it runs in the family, more so than even the Sharingan". His words were for his eldest son only, so neither Sasuke nor anyone else knew that in the end Fugaku was as about as loyal to his clan as Naruto was to Orochimaru.


	49. The Condemned

**The Condemned**

_A/N: Another one for _**eli**_. One day away from my 50__th__ chapter. :) I have the perfect thing in mind for it. :D_

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It was a split second decision really, one that while quick would impact those involved for many years to come. Minato Namikaze was not a hero; he was an idiot as he would later acknowledge while in the depths of Naruto's subconscious. Just as Naruto was condemned to hold a demon was Minato condemned to influence his son in the worst possible way. "Naruto," the Third asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" _Ha ha, the old man has still got that hat. Damn I was a good Hokage. _Minato sniggered in the back of his young son's mind.

"I wanna be the Hokage, Old Man, just like the Fourth, so I can get your hat!" Minato's wrong thoughts at the wrong time would haunt him, like his son's meetings with the fox for instance. S_tupid fox. _"Oi, you stupid fox, give me some chakra!"

Minato Namikaze was not only condemned to live in Naruto's subconscious, but be his puppeteer as that is what Naruto was in essence. A condemned puppet controlled by something within the depths of his mind with very few choices being entirely his own, never knowing and so never caring.


	50. Torture and Interrogation

**Torture and Interrogation**

_A/N: 50 chapters in now. :D I'm surprised I got this many reviews, thank you! This is one I've had drifting around my head for a while, yes, it goes to show how disturbed I am. ;)_

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Kakashi would have preferred to be reading at his home rather than follow Sarutobi through the grisly innards of the Torture and Interrogation building. The chilling screams that floated through the 'sound proof' cells even made a seasoned professional like Kakashi shudder as they stopped next to the head of the department. "Ibiki, I brought Kakashi to help you with the spy that has been giving you trouble. I figured that his Sharingan may be of use in this kind of situation."

"It is not longer a problem Hokage-sama, if you will direct your eyes to the one way mirror…" Ibiki gestured to aforementioned mirror and both Sarutobi and Kakashi had their worst possible nightmare greet them. Naruto stood over the spy with a look of deranged glee while an equally manic looking Anko handed him various pointy, pain inflicting instruments.

"Now," Naruto said quite cheerily, "at what age did you stop wetting the bed."

"Stuff yo-AIEEE-ARRRGH!" The spy was clearly faring no better than Kakashi against the duo as Naruto ruthlessly emptied a container of flesh eating ants onto his head.

"Do you like cheese?"

"Get f- AHHHH, IT BURNS!" _Well, sulphuric acid _would, Kakashi noted with a cringe.

"It is a simple yes or no answer. Do. You. Like. Cheese?"

The man sobbed wildly before uttering, "No, you psychotic bastar-AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Even Ibiki flinched slightly as blood splattered the mirror.

"I KNEW IT! You are from Iwa! Only those brainless idiots don't like cheese." Alas, the Iwa spy could only cry his eyes out as his secret was discovered in the most humiliating way possible.

"May I be excuse Hokage-sama?" Sarutobi nodded sympathetically at the green tinged Kakashi, who fled the moment it was given.

"This", Sarutobi said gravely, "is even worse than the conditions in Orochimaru's lab… _including_ all the inhumane experiments I found."

"So, who's going to keep an eye on him?"

"Well, Kakashi stated that he would like to retire from ANBU at the end of this year, so keeping an eye on Naruto for me shouldn't be a problem." Ibiki and Sarutobi shared a look before bursting into laughter before they both lapsed into the utmost seriousness.

"Well, Hokage-sama, Kakashi _did _have a point, that look has got to be genetic."

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"Ah ha, nicely done brat. We've still got them convinced that you're his long lost grandson of something." Anko sniggered.

"Oh shut up, you're not the one who had to follow him around just to _perfect _the bloody thing… didn't help that he actually caught me that time." Naruto grumbled.

"WHAT?!" Naruto smirked at the reaction.

"All in good time." Anko actually shuddered at the serpentine look he gave her and the horribly familiar way in which he twirled his scalpel.


	51. Living Large

**Living Large**

_A/N: Yet another request from _**eli**, _enjoy!_

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It all flashed before his eyes in the murky realm of 'what if?'

_Kakashi watched with horror as the horde of sugar deprived children glomped him while Rin watched on, laughing at her distraught husband…_

_Obito took one look at Kakashi and cackled before he dived into the gory story of his epic battle with Iwa ninjas where Kakashi's large family of eight were awed…_

_A chill breeze weaved between freshly dug graves as Kakashi heartbrokenly attended his child's grave with Rin attached to his arm… His precious now child dead because of a mission that should never have been assigned and a war that should have never happened…All at age twelve… He couldn't help the tears that ran down his face..._

_He shook his head disapprovingly as one of his kids hefted a bucket of super glue to toss over the teacher's head… Obito would pay for that one, Naruto as well for teaching them bad habits…_

_It was his and Rin's wedding day… Obito as best man had seen fit to rig Kakashi's wedding cake up with explosives… it didn't go down well…_

_Kakashi could only sigh as his kids laughed raucously at the painted Hokages… he was very close to joining in, be damned of the example he had to set…_

Kakashi's eyes flew open as reality came crashing down around his ears: he wasn't married to Rin, Obito was not alive, he _didn't _have a massive family, his wedding cake hadn't exploded on him, in fact, he'd never been married… and he mourned the loss of every single one of those non-existent moments.


	52. Regrets

**Regrets**

_A/N: Here's one for _**Luna**_!_

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Ninjas are forced to do horrendous things, whether or not they feel regret depends on their personality. Itachi Uchiha was not an emotionless bastard contrary to what Sasuke thought, but an emotional explosion waiting to happen. The suppressed accumulation of emotions in Itachi when he died, had it been chakra, would have put the Demon Fox to shame.

_For every person he killed, no matter how 'evil', there was a regret and another reason to hang his head in shame._

It was not his place to play god to people, despite what the high and mighty opinion of the village council may think. It was not his place to truly determine who lived and who died and nor was it the councils'.

_For every barb he drove into his little brother there was a regret and every Uchiha he murdered a stabbing pain._

His clan, his family and friends, even those not involve in the takeover, murdered. He had no choice, no time and no way to prevent it. It pained him to be helpless.

_For every crime he committed in the name of the 'greater good' of the village was a regret. _

Killing a child who had yet to determine his fate in the world simply to prevent what could have been seemed so pointless. The child hadn't done anything wrong; the sins of the father should not have been passed on to an innocent while the guilty parties still went free.

_For every regret there was a release._

That release was death and even then his little brother's hate filled features haunted him in death, much like the other child he was forced to murder so long ago.

_For every release there was always too many regrets._

Even in death he had his regrets.


	53. Under the Scalpel

**Under the Scalpel**

_A/N: This one is for _**Ami**_, seeing as my knowledge of Kabuto is limited I had to add in some 'old friends' to help me with this. Enjoy! Though I'm not sure that this turned out as well as I would have liked and may require a bit of revision in future._

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Kabuto had seen some strange and horrific things in his life while working under Orochimaru, but this took the cake. Orochimaru was participating in a staring competition with a very young, blond haired, blue eyed child and was losing horribly. Against his will, Orochimaru's eyes momentarily snapped shut. "Ha! I win! Now you owe me that favour that you promised if I won, which I did!" Naruto bobbed his head excitedly.

_Orochimaru-sama doesn't take that from anyone. He will refuse, as though that little brat could convince him otherwise. _"Very well, what is it that you want?" _Hell has frozen over… or someone ironically stole Orochimaru-sama's body._

"I want to follow you around for a week; a friend of mine spoke highly of you." Naruto grinned, cautiously leaving out that the highness referred to his placing on Anko's 'Murder Slowly and Painfully' list.

"How do I know that you aren't a spy sent by Konoha?"

"Please, as if they'd ask the person who trashes their precious village daily to spy on you."

"You have a point, agreed." _This is odd. He _never _agrees to things like this._ "Kabuto, come, my experiments need to be checked."

"Orochimaru-sama, why are you allowing the child to follow us when he could be a spy?" Kabuto asked quietly.

Orochimaru carefully stepped out Naruto's hearing range. "Kabuto-kun, I'm surprised by your lack of knowledge. Naruto-kun is doing research of his own here, no doubt to better perfect his 'pranks' affects on the villagers... Although, I have heard that the ANBU have been having trouble with him and Anko-chan lately…" _This is not going to end well. The boy is already a monster in his own right, but to give him more inspiration like this? Hopefully dealing with some of the experiments will take this off my mind. _Orochimaru flicked out his scalpel and leisurely twirled it with a serpentine grin while facing his experiment. "Now, do you like cheese?" Kabuto's eyes widened as he noticed that Naruto was studying Orochimaru carefully while frantically searching for ink and brush and with a flourish Kabuto presented them.

"Ah, thanks! You might want to lay off the frosty bastard demeanour back in Konoha, ANBU are starting to ask questions." Kabuto felt an overwhelming surge of jealously as his master chuckled coldly and patted the blond affectionately on the head. _Now it's personal Uzumaki. I don't know what you did to Orochimaru-sama, but I'll find out! _He never did notice the manipulative and knowing smirk that Orochimaru snuck his way.


	54. Parallel Powers

**Parallel Powers**

_A/N: I'm sorry about the late updates and lack of review replies, but I managed to trash myself last night with an 8 hour long movie marathon, without alcohol of any kind. I strongly advise against it if you want continued use of your legs. This is for _**Ayase**. _A cookie to whoever guesses the narrator (in italics) of this chapter. :)_

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_Two clans met to form a truce._

The Senju and Uchiha clans met to end the constant fighting and rivalry. The death toll was rising with each conflict as was the increasing pettiness and minor disputes between the clans.

_Two pairs of brothers, one pair from the Senju and the other from the Uchiha came to discuss the terms of the truce._

Madara Uchiha and his brother Izuna Uchiha were naturally representing the Uchiha clan's interests. Hashirama Senju and Tobirama Senju were not only there for the Senju, but for the greater good of both clans. Madara never acknowledged the real purpose of the truce. He was too absorbed in his paranoia of the Senju attempting to repress the Uchiha, to hold them back from 'great things'. It was his downfall.

_It was clear that they were parallels from the moment the representatives entered the room._

The Uchiha, arrogant, aggressive, all ego and pride with selfish intent written all over them. The Senju were kind, warm, and even friendly to the clearly nauseous people sitting across from them who did naught but sneer at the Senju reasoning.

_The truce was made, land gained but the distrust grew along with Madara's madness._

Madara grew restless, his paranoia making him irrational and a danger to his no options left, his clan banished him, uncaring of the repercussions. The Senju could only watch on, their attempts at negotiating with the Uchiha on the matter having failed. They knew Madara would eventually retaliate.

_Konoha forgot, but Madara remembered._

Such was the parallels of the two great powers; they would stare across the vast gap between them but never seek to close it.

_Such was my downfall, the village saved but the Uchiha condemned to a life of mistrust._


	55. Petty Practice

**Petty Practice**

_A/N: This is for _**Sonar**_, who mentioned something that I couldn't resist writing about. :)_

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Sasuke's enemy's endurance was terrifying as it suffered blow after blow without suffering any apparent damage. "JUST DIE YOU EVIL THING!" Sasuke glared at the creature and it glared back with a slight smirk.

"Kami, bastard, leave the poor weed alone. Sporking it to death isn't going to help people believe that you're still sane and if anything we should take it out of the idiot who assigned us this crap in the first place." Sasuke gave Naruto a Look.

"And how do you propose we do that, idiot?"

"Well bastard, Anko-chan was telling me about some about some awesome stuff she erm, 'borrowed' from the ANBU Research and Development department. She was lamenting the fact that she had no time to test it out. Feel like helping out?" Sasuke, for the first time in years, grinned. "I'll take that as a yes. Here's the plan…"

-

Iruka sighed blissfully, holding his precious black coffee close to him. His students were on loan to the villagers to perform 'missions' that they may require. Iruka's eyes lit up at the thought of Naruto being forced to baby sit brats even worse than him. Life was good… until his now superheated coffee mug exploded leaving coffee and shards of glass flying through the air. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" The Academy teachers winced at the volume of the scream as it echoed throughout the building. Somewhere two students couldn't help but laugh. "Hey, Sasuke, you owe me a favour now."

"And if I refuse?" Naruto held up the incriminating photos showing Sasuke rigging up the prank with a malicious smirk.

-

Many years later after Sasuke left Konoha, Naruto wanted to collect on that promise and he went to see Iruka. Upon seeing the photos Iruka went through a variety of different shades of colours before promptly joining the hunter-nin with an enraged snarl. Sasuke was dragged back one week later, hogtied, black with bruises and the words **MY COFFEE**carved into one side of his face with a spork. Suffice to say, that particular prank was never attmepted again on an Academy teacher in the history of Konoha.


	56. Midnight Chats

**Midnight Chats**

_A/N: I have a new Naruto one-shot out called __**Bizarre Encounters**__ and I'm wondering whether or not I should do a few scenes with my OC from it (reading it may help you better understand what Naruto is talking about in this chapter). Please check it out and tell me what you think, it was going to be part of this collection but I found it a bit to long. This request is from _**Akiha**, _enjoy. :)_

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Gaara tensed slightly at the presence of an approaching figure. "Eh? Gaara, insomnia still got you?" Gaara turned his head towards the once hyperactive blond and nodded at the shell who sighed in response. "Gaara? Do me a favour, get married, have kids, do what I can't. They told me how long I have left to live last week…" Gaara nodded understandingly.

"That cannot have been a pleasant experience and it is no wonder you have decided to join me in my insomnia tonight."

"Unpleasant doesn't cover it, with all the screaming, pitying looks and even the looks of 'good riddens' from some people… I once wanted to go down in a blaze of glory… but now… now I wish I could just die quietly like everyone else. Sakura still hasn't forgiven Sasuke and the council for not officially acknowledging me after the last battle. Tsunade made me Hokage, yet those miserable bastards can't even give me a "thank you"." He grumbled bitterly.

"So, you are hiding out here in Suna and no one has noticed their Hokage missing?" Gaara asked in clear disbelief. _I would give him half of my ninja to find out how he has managed this…_

"They are yet to notice with my new and improved Shadow Clone. The can take a hell of a lot more than a bump before they poof and they'd never be able to tell the difference between them and me. I can leave you a scroll for it before I leave if you like." Naruto grinned at the look of longing on Gaara's face.

"That would be appreciated." Naruto nodded and it soon fell into a thankfully brief awkward silence. "When are you heading back?"

"In all honesty, I don't really want to, just like I never really wanted to be Hokage… I don't have the heart to tell Tsunade and everyone that everything they know about me is a complete lie… I can't believe I spent so many years as an idiot just to avoid people connecting certain dots…"

"What dots would those be?" Naruto laughed sounding slightly mad and Gaara found himself questioning Naruto's sanity.

"Oh don't worry, Gaara. You'll find out if you attend my funeral, she'll be sure to attend. Give a speech about what village of idiots of Konoha is and how she managed to still get about after 'corrupting Konoha's prized weapon'. You'd like her, seeing as she's the bluntest person I've ever laid eyes on… It was good to see you again, be sure to visit Konoha again before I drop dead. I'm pretty sure I'll need a fellow outcast to talk to before I go mad, seeing as she's only likely to come after I'm dead." _Fellow outcasts, it is no wonder we have such an understanding of each other._

"You can count on it." Naruto truly smiled and gave Gaara the thumbs up before heading off towards Konoha, having spilled almost all his secrets to one of the two people who could actually understand.


	57. Remembering

**Remembering**

_A/N: I was considering leaving this for ANZAC Day on the 25__th__ of April, but here we are; this for _**Sonar**_. :) If you could all do me a favour and check out my story Bizarre Encounters in my profile and tell me if you'd like to see the OC out of it in Missing Moments I would really appreciate it. Yes, it is from Naruto. ^^_

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Visits to the Memorial with Iruka were never a fun thing for Naruto. Where Iruka had tears running down his face Naruto looked awkward, unable to understand just what Iruka had lost. "Sensei… are you sure that I should be here?" Naruto asked cautiously. "I mean… I don't think I'm really… erm… welcome here…" Iruka gave Naruto a sad but knowing look.

"It's okay Naruto; you can go if you feel that uneasy here."

"Oh, thanks sensei, I'm sorry that I can't stay it's just… you know? Bye…" With a look of visible relief Naruto fled.

"Hmm, interesting kid you have there. It's strange to see him from the point of view where he isn't a deranged lunatic as most of the ANBU believe." Kakashi Hatake's thoughtful gaze was upon the retreating form of the depressed Naruto.

"It's not his fault," Iruka protested. "Half the village sees him as some strange beast to be put down. The last time he came with me here someone actually called him a monster and attacked him in front an ANBU squad of all things."

"Yeah, I was there when it happened and if anything I blame the rumours. It really is a sad thing that he has no empathy because of it. You know something's wrong if you have someone like Ibiki giving you looks and shaking his head." Kakashi's seriousness was reinforced by the distinct lack of his customary porn book.

"Do you think he'll ever be able to really care and not just fake it?" Kakashi shrugged.

"Maybe, but I can't really tell. Even Ibiki isn't sure… but I hope that he'll be able to eventually. It breaks the Hokage's heart every time he remembers that night, that's his reason for not coming. Everyone else just fails to understand that it isn't his fault…" They both lapsed into a thoughtful silence filled with regrets that could only come with remembering those who were not only lost in death, but those also lost in life.


	58. Delayed Reaction

**Delayed Reaction**

_A/N: SORRY! I didn't mean to be so late; there'll be more chapters to make up today, as in three of them. The next three requests will be for _**eli** _then I'll do a couple of the other requests for some variety._

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Sakumo Hatake was quite enjoying the sight of Tsunade bouncing baby Kakashi on her knee. Moments like these were rarities for him with bloodshed and death being more common. Orochimaru was watching Tsunade with fascination, amazed that someone could be so happy in that situation. Jiraiya on the other hand hadn't noticed that there was a child present and was complaining loudly to Sakumo who had long since tuned him out. "Hey! Are you even paying attention, Sakumo?" Jiraiya complained.

"Now that you mention it, no, I'm not. I refuse to listen to you prattle on about porn while my son is present. I advise you at least wait until I put him to bed before you engage in such vulgar tales."

"Wait…wait… That's your kid?!"

"It took you long enough to notice. Hmm, you're a serious liability if you are so engaged in your smut talks that you fail to notice the obvious." Orochimaru sneered, his anger at the situation evident. Orochimaru too, was enjoying the peace of the moment; no thoughts of experimentation crossed his mind, then Jiraiya went and ruined it for all present. _All because of his idiotic delayed reaction. _It was no surprise to Orochimaru when Tsunade sent Jiraiya flying, courtesy of a well placed fist.


	59. Bonding

**Bonding**

_A/N: Another one for _**eli**_._

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_Kami help me. What ancient civilisation did I destroy to deserve this? _Hiruzen Sarutobi understood why Jounins dreaded being given a Genin within the first five minutes of receiving his own. _This has got to be the worst team combination in the history of ninja._

His gaze landed on Jiraiya. _A complete klutz, a blatant pervert, harasses his female team member by constantly asking her to go on a date and he is jealous of his other team mate… Hmmm, redeeming qualities; hardworking, loyal to a fault, more observant than he lets on, willing to listen to advice… _He resisted a smile at Jiraiya's antics.

Hiruzen watched as Jiraiya's perverted comment was met with physical force as Tsunade belted him across the face. _Hot headed, a chronic gambler, superstitious, awful luck… At the same time sociable enough, polite, mature-usually, excellent chakra control, has a grasp of medical jutsu that puts people decades older than her to shame…_Hiruzen frowned when Tsunade pulled out a deck of cards and Jiraiya screamed out "STRIP POKER!" all while Orochimaru hid his face in embarrassment.

Orochimaru sat slightly apart from his team mates, looking as though he'd rather be anywhere but _there_. _Can't say that I blame him. _Jiraiya was once more sent flying through the air and Orochimaru was forced to duck to avoid him. _Shy, a bit on the antisocial side, depressed, knowledge hungry… On the other hand he's a complete genius_, _kind, polite and is pretty much everything that his team mates should be, especially Jiraiya… _It took all he had not to simply leave them socialise, but, with a resigned sigh, he approached his team in order to give them the mission which would introduce them to a particularly troublesome cat.


	60. Defiance

**Defiance**

_A/N: _**eli's **_than I'll skip onto a few others for some variety. This is a short one, I'm not going to drag it out._

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Minato Namikaze had never wanted to be Hokage more as he glared viciously at Orochimaru. _I won't let this thing become Hokage, even if I have to get _myself _nominated. Just so long as he never gets it!_ Orochimaru coldly crushed the dreams of half Minato's Academy class with a well spoken sentence_. _The moment the words left his lips their faces fell into one of utter misery… and his smirk after seeing the results. _How dare that bastard smile after saying something so hurtful! _"_Excuse me, _but how can you say? Do you speak for everyone in Konoha or is that just your personal opinion on the matter?" _Ha! Oh, is that so is it? Just you wait…_

As Minato stood in preparation to leave the room, he once more levelled a hate filled glare at Orochimaru. "I'm going to continue on with _my _dreams no matter what you think or say and there is nothing _you_ can do about it." He would on later reflection come to the conclusion that having Orochimaru looking at you with such a calculating stare is never a good thing.


	61. Live or Else

**Live or Else**

_A/N: This is one of my own. ^^ This has the character, Ghoul, from my Naruto one-shot. With any luck you'll enjoy it and if you want a bit more information check out the one-shot. :)_

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_Oh no. _Naruto was in a rather awkward situation in that his limbs were tightly chained to his hospital bed. "HEL-ARG!" Naruto's scream for help was quickly muffled by a large, moth eaten tome which was shoved into his mouth.

"Long time no see brat. Oh, don't bother screaming out for help, I sound proofed this room already. Aww, is that a look of dread I see? Poor diddums… deal with it!" Naruto turned his fearful stare to the rag wearing figure in front of him. Her pale, corpse like appearance still sent chills down his spine just like their first meeting. Those creepy blank and bagged eyes gazed directly into his, a trace of underlying fury present. He spat out the book in shock.

"G-Ghoul? Why the hell are you here?"

"Well, I _don't know_… maybe, _just maybe_… the fact that you almost dropped dead in an idiotic battle to the end? In all honesty that was the most bloody disgusting display I've ever seen from you. Where _the hell _were _your_ trademarks? And I actually mean _yours_, not the moron Fourth's." Ghoul's irate glare that followed was enough to have the reason pour out of him.

"There was someone watching! What was I meant to do? Have them see through my mask then have everything that I worked on over the years go to hell?"

"Oh, and why couldn't you use something more…ahem… _damaging_?"

"Because my idiot mask is supposed to bring the Emo Bastard _back_, not turn him into a fine stew of unrecognisable human remains. If I had my way I'd have stepped on him and the Pink Wailer ages ago." Naruto snarled in frustration. "If you want to murder them or whatever it's fine by me, I'll only attack hard enough to convince my watchers that I actually give a damn." Ghoul sighed, shook her head and burst into cold laughter.

"Kid, unfortunately neither of us can off them at the moment. Maybe I can help you in few years down the track, eh?"

"That'd be nice. Now can you please get the hell out of here before someone notices the glowing red symbol on the front of my door?" She gave Naruto a thoughtful look.

"Hmm? You can actually see it? Well, this _is _interesting. I'll leave if it makes you feel better. Remember"- Ghoul seemed to instantly appear next to Naruto, grabbing him forcefully by the neck, twisting him upwards-"live… _**OR ELSE**_" The moment the demonic words left her lips she cackled menacingly, dispersed into a shadowy cloud which bowed mockingly and blew him a kiss. Naruto shuddered as the chains dissolved into air and the glowing symbol faded. No one ever saw the plant like figure watch with shock as darkness covered the window and what appeared to be undead spectres rise from the ground to silently guard the room. It could only happen on a particular Friday so it seemed.


	62. Fading

**Fading**

_A/N: For _**Ayase **_who wanted to see the Kyuubi, a short one here._

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The Demon Fox, bane of Konoha, greatest of the Tailed Beasts was quite frankly bored. His dreams were no longer as vivid and real as they once were. He could feel his memories of _freedom _slipping away along with his very essence as he was slowly absorbed into his unknowing human host. Every day Naruto became that little bit more feral and only a select handful took notice of it.

He was tired and bored of being contained in a human who gave him no freedom. Possible vengeance against the Uchiha clan had once sustained him but now it only simmered deep beneath the surface. The absolute rage he once felt towards his vessel became understanding as he realised that the boy covered his hatred towards the Fourth by directing it at him. Some of the vessels desires became the Fox's own as they began to meld into one. All the while the greatest of the tailed beasts knew that he was fading away and the ability to do something about it was well beyond his reach. _Even then, I _will_ make the bloody best of it and the Uchiha _will _suffer. _Even in the face of certain death some things never changed.


	63. Acting

**Acting**

_A/N: This one is for_** Sonar**_… Where have all my reviewers/requesters gone? –cries- I'm once again sorry for my lateness, but I'll always make up my missed days. Noh is a kind of Japanese drama by the way._

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It was unknown to all but one person that Madara Uchiha was always a great fan of Noh. The actors' abilities to express themselves even when masked had always fascinated him. His interest lead to the creation of 'Tobi', the childish character that he took great pleasure in playing, to the point where he'd brave incredibly dangerous activities for the sake of it. Playing with Deidara's exploding clay was but one of these highly dangerous activities. "Katsu! Ha, that's what you get for messing around with my clay, un!"

As Tobi/Madara was sent sailing off over the horizon he couldn't help but feel proud of his accomplishments and his acting skills. He had almost everyone fooled but a handful of people; his plot to step on Konoha was nearing its end and all the while on one suspected a thing. To think it was all born from his interest in Noh would boggle the minds of a great many historians. It would also boggle the mind of Sasuke Uchiha who would later wonder why he'd believed such a deranged madman.


	64. Gone

**Gone**

_A/N: Back to _**eli **_again for requests._

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Rin was gone.

_I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this Kakashi but Rin is missing._

They didn't even know if she was dead.

_We have no solid proof that she is dead, but we found blood that we suspect is hers._

She was under suspicion for reasons known to him.

_We suspect her of performing illegal experiments and it is likely that she has become a rogue. Even if she is found to be innocent her judges will not doubt question the time she has spent away and the possible secrets she may have sold..._

Experiments perhaps, but she wouldn't sell their secrets… would she? He _had_ to protect her; he wouldn't fail her like he had with Obito.

_Finally decided to join the ANBU Kakashi? I suppose this will take your mind off the loss of your friends. You do know the nature of some of the missions you will be forced to do?_

He knew all right, one mission being to find Rin and return her and if that failed dispose of her.

_You know your mission gentlemen and you know the cost if it fails._

He found her and dealt with her appropriately.

_I'm sorry about Rin, Kakashi. It must have been agonising to find her like that… I heard she died peacefully… I can't believe it happened to her; she was always so strong… To think she did that to herself…_

He was in emotional pain when he turned up seemingly random at a civilian doctor's doorstep one night.

_Oh, you are? Come in Kakashi-san._

He still had trouble when it came to not bursting into tears when he thought about Rin and how she'd never remember him. She deserved her place on the Memorial; even if she wasn't dead in body she was most certainly gone in spirit.

_I'm sorry Kakashi-san, I really am, but I just can't remember you… Please forgive me…_

He never told anyone about the true events of the night and not once regretted it.


	65. Irony

**Irony**

_A/N: Continuing with _**eli's **_block of requests for the moment and yes I am back after a hideous computer crash._

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"Congratulations Naruto!" _Is it really to be congratulated? _"Now everyone will know what a hero you are to the village. You must be so happy!" _Can she really not see just how strained this smile is? It's even worse than Sai's fake smiles. They should already recognise me as a hero at any rate… bastards._

"Yeah, Sakura, great…" _Oh, now she notices that something's wrong… I wonder if she'll figure it out…_

"Naruto, what's wrong? You achieved your dream, you're Hokage!" _That wasn't my dream, Sakura…That was my revenge and it has just become a reality…My dream involved people being able to look at me without cringing or calling me a monster as I walked down the street. This is my revenge, having them know that the supposed monster that I am does exist and they need to bow to _my _every whim instead of me bowing to theirs…_

"I suppose… I'm going for a walk; the sake haze is making my head spin." _I'll be back in a month or two… It's been ages since I last visited Gaara._

"Okay, well, I'll see you later then." _Yeah, you'll see me in a few months… maybe. My new and improved Shadow Clone should be realistic enough to fill in for me._

As Naruto pelted off into the direction of Suna he felt his mask flake. The irony is that on the day "Naruto Uzumaki" became Hokage is the day that he died and the bitter personality that had always pulled his strings took his place.


	66. A Strange Love

**A Strange Love**

_A/N: Another for _**eli**_._

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Love at first sight was not exactly correct when it came to Minato and Kushina. "What was that? You stuck up little bast-"

"Bite me, outsider bi-"

"Enough! Kami's sake, ACT YOUR AGE! Uzumaki, why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be at your team training or something? Minato, get back to your katas… and you lot-what the hell are you looking at? You have your own things to be doing." Jiraiya had reached the end of his patience after many long weeks of arguments between the two. "What is it with you and her, brat? Something I should know about?" Jiraiya asked slyly as Kushina fled.

"NO! Get your mind out of the gutter you filthy pervert! I _do not _like her at all let alone _that _way." Minto snarled in humiliation before glaring irritably at his sensei and stalking off. Unfortunately for him, he ran into the bane of his existence leaning on a nearby tree: Kushina.

"Your sensei is one really annoying bastard."

"For once we agree." Minato grinned.

"Payback?"

"Why not?" Minato couldn't help but grin at the sight of Kushina cackling manically. It wasn't love at first sight; it was love of Jiraiya being chased out the village gate by a crowd of half naked females that brought them together... it said as much in their wedding vows.


	67. Great Escape

**Great Escape**

_A/N: Here's yet another for _**eli**_, mind you a short one. I will get all one hundred chapters done in time, my half yearly exams are slowing me down though._

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"Your little brother escaped, ya know."

"Hn." _Low and behold, he put those years of escaping bath time to use._

"It was a close one… I suppose it doesn't matter now seeing as he's on his way. Group of brats in tow as well."

"Hn." _A _very _close one judging from Kisame's expression. "Group of brats"… Are you that desperate to fill that void left behind after you had abandoned your friends, Sasuke? _Itachi leaned back further into the throne like chair. _So, you _do_ regret what you have done to some level_. _A good sign._ _There's hope for you after all, little brother._

"I'll be outside." As soon as Kisame's presence could not longer be detected by Itachi he allowed the hacking cough that had built up to leave him. It was with almost morbid fascination that Itachi watched the fine spray of blood on his hands signifying the little time he had left. _Good luck little brother… Not everyone can take advantage of the great escape._


	68. Afterlife

**Afterlife**

_A/N: I'm taking a break from _**eli's **_for a moment to do one inspired by _**Ayase**_._

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Death in itself was not a truly horrible but, unlike common belief, those who had sinned in life suffered no punishment apart from their victims haunting their every footstep. Following them, no matter where they went or what reality they were dreamed into, they were there as harsh critics, analysing every move.

Yahiko only had one haunt and this one was the most disturbing haunt of all. The dream had morphed into that of a particularly packed out bar, with everyone from Itachi to Jiraiya having a reasonable time. Itachi drank silently with the entire Uchiha clan watching every move and commenting appropriately. "You call _that _sake? Wow, how didn't we see that you were a complete pansy from the start we'll never know." The clan member was treated with a very nasty look followed by an even nastier looking kunai which almost completely decapitated him, leaving his head hanging from a sliver of skin. Meanwhile, Jiraiya was conversing with Yahiko while the shadowy haunt silently watched on.

"Damn it brat. You know who that is?" Jiraiya gestured towards the haunt with a curious glance.

"No idea. I don't even know why it's follo-" **CRUNCH! **Yahiko's face brutally made contact with the wooden table, leaving an indent of his face.

"That was from Tsunade who blames you for turning Nagato into a raging maniac and him ending up destroying the village." Naruto Uzumaki's sinister smile sent chills down Jiraiya's spine.

"Naruto!? Why are you here?"

"Well, you see sensei, when people die; they tend to end up here for whatever reason…" Jiraiya cringed at the thick ooze of sarcasm coating Naruto's words, before he too met the table with a crunch. The silent signal was given and the entire bar erupted into chaos: stools, jutsu and bottles of sake sailed through the air as the population rioted. Itachi, Sharingan active, was frantically swinging a frying pan with alarming proficiency, desperate to keep his haunts from ripping him apart. All the while Yahiko and Naruto had taken cover under one of the few unturned tables.

"Tsunade didn't really give you a message, did she?"

"Nope."

"Then who did?" _I need to tear them a new one when they get here._ Naruto grinned as a very familiar rag wearing figure rushed a group of charging Iwa ninja wielding only an elaborate, glowing tome.

"Meisu did, she sends her love, irritation and anger… oh yeah, also her desire to make your afterlife as unpleasant as possible." Yahiko whimpered pathetically. "Reconsidering I see." Abruptly the chaos was dispelled as a malevolent figure entered the bar. "And judging by that look of homicidal wrath on her face I'd advise you start running like hell. Now." Yahiko took his advice, the bar morphing into a twisted forest as he ran off into the distance. It never once occurred to him that Meisu could not physically kill him again, even if her appearance suggested otherwise.


	69. Big Boned

**Big Boned**

_A/N: I suppose this one is technically a request from _**Odhora**_. If someone could please help me with telling me how many chapters I've missed it would be appreciated. Maths is not exactly my forte as you can probably tell._

* * *

Chouji was sick of the cruel whispers.

"_Oi, fatso, have enough to eat there?"_

He was sick of their ignorance and their lack of empathy.

"_So, being fat runs in the family? Or does it _roll_?"_

But most of all he hated the adults who told their children to say those horrible things in the first place.

"_Stay away from him; he may pass on his bad eating habits."_

The stigma associated with his clan enraged him, more than once he was forced to restrain himself from simply smashing someone's teeth in. There was always the handful of people that were nice to him though. Naruto for instance: _Hey Chouji, you need to come check out this awesome ramen place. I can't believe that I hadn't been there before, the people are really nice. _Naruto hadn't lied and Chouji enjoyed eating competitions with him there any time he asked.

Shikamaru: his first friend who had always stuck up for him despite the odds. _Don't you people have better things to do other than be rude to people who are different? Pheh, don't bother answering, too troublesome to listen. _He was a true friend in every sense of the phrase.

Akamaru and Kiba: _Ah come on! It's only a stupid history lesson. Not like we actually learn everything in those stupid classes. _Chouji would take hanging out with his friends over class any day.

"_Hey fatso-"_

"_Oh shut up, at least I _havefriends!_" _They never bothered him again after that particular comment and he couldn't help but feel proud at the sight of his grinning friends standing behind him, all giving a thumbs up.


	70. Night Out

**Night Out**

_A/N: Here's one for _**Sonar.**

* * *

Yamato lazily leant back in his chair and grinned at Ebisu who was desperately trying not to pass out at the sight of a half naked Anko. "Hey Ebisu, stop drooling over her, you know what she did to the last guy who did that to her." Ebisu cringed at the memory of a naked Kakashi suspended from a flag pole by well aimed senbon and hurridly looked away in fear.

"Fair point. I do not wish to suffer that fate. What would Konohamaru and his friends think of me?" Yamato smiled slightly at panicky expression o Ebisu's face. _What his team thinks of him means everything to him… He'd be crushed if any oft hem died or otherwise…_"It's getting late. I have to go or risk being late for my team meeting in the morning. Unlike Hatake-san I have no desire to give my students bad habits." After a slight incline of his head, Ebisu hurriedly left to Yamato's understanding gaze and nod of the head. _If only Kakashi had of been able to teach his team as well as Ebisu teaches his then maybe the Uchiha would have never left and Naruto wouldn't be the smoking wreck he is now. _Yamato stood, payed for his sake and left, fully intending to take a leaf from Ebisu's book. _Ah well,_ _Kakashi never did have the mindset for teaching in the first place and in that regard Ebisu will beat him any day._


	71. Deathly Doubts

**Deathly Doubts**

_A/N: This one is for _**Sonar** _and before you get jealous _**eli -winks-**_, I need some inspiration before I get back to your requests. :) If some could please tell me when I'm back up to date on my chapters it'd be highly appreciated. :) Hmm, this may need more detail, but I can do that in a revision if it's not satisfactory. ^^_

* * *

_I'm dying!?_

Jiraiya was trying to bend his mind around the concept of dying and was failing. The chaotic rush of emotions was clouding his ability to think and his judgement.

_Why, Nagato, Konan? Why did you both choose to do this? Was it because I left you behind all those years ago?_

His prized students had betrayed him and worse yet they were not the only ones.

_I'm a failure… I can't do anything right…_

He hadn't noticed Orochimaru's change in behaviour until it was too late.

_When did it happen? Why did it happen? How didn't I notice?_

His self doubt only grew when he thought about his godson, the one he'd abandoned.

_Naruto, poor, sad kid… Probably doesn't even know that I'm his godfather, I suppose one good thing about dropping dead. I won't have to see his expression when he realises that it was partially my fault he was treated so badly. I need to make it up to him somehow-I have to! Tsunade as well… I'm going to miss her…_

Jiraiya had a will and a way. His past failures wouldn't stop him and he was determined not to have any more in his last few seconds as he scribbled his last on the toad's back.

_They'd better not complain about my handwriting... _was one of his last vague thought before he slipped away into regions unknown to any living creature except one. The aforementioned creature couldn't help but cringe as she felt Jiraiya's soul depart; wherever Jiraiya went, enraged females were sure to follow.


	72. Perspectives Changed

**Perspectives Changed**

_A/N: This one is for _**Sonar.**

* * *

Neji no longer found himself sneering at the sight of his spandex clad team mate but wondering how Lee and himself had ended up in such a position in the first place. He remembered the 'incidents' from the Academy quite vividly, sometimes his own comments being shot across the room.

"_**How's a pathetic freak like you ever gonna be a ninja? You can't even use chakra!"**_

It was cruel, but did it spur on Lee's need to do the impossible training wise and emulate his sensei? Was there a need to prove himself to everyone?

"_**Don't worry, Lee! Anything can be done with hard work, especially youthful hard work!"**_

Neji remembered his jealousy over him being ignored by sensei and family alike. Fate… he blamed it all on fate due to his inability to blame it on anything else. Having Lee as a rival was a joke in his eyes, it was clear that Lee would never defeat him… no dead last could. His view of the world was shattered at his humiliating defeat at the hands of Naruto Uzumaki and that is when he started to take his rivalry with Lee seriously.

"_**I'll defeat you Neji!"**_

_For being a supposed genius, it has taken me far too long to realise this…_

-

Lee gave a blinding grin at the sight of his rival holding no blows back. His training was gruelling, it was painful but in the end it was needed if he ever wanted to surpase to Neji, to prove them all wrong.

"_**You'll never do anything! You'll never become a ninja!"**_

Palm strikes attacked him at every possible angle during his distraction and with one skilful kick Lee disrupted the pattern. He was soon dominating the exchange with flurries of punches and kicks.

_I will win, I must!_

With a barely visible punch it was over with Neji lying in a heap and Lee standing proud. "Excellent spar, Neji!" With thumbs up and a dazzling grin everyone watching could tell that Lee never saw Neji as anything less than his rival even after defeat. _Now, I only have to resist the urge to rub the noses of my old classmates in it... Well, a little bit of gloating can't hurt..._


	73. Bathhouse Blitz

**Bathhouse Blitz **

_A/N: A short one for _**Selina**_, who I do not intend to kill, but I'm still wondering how I never thought of this one myself. :)_

* * *

"EIIIIIIIIIIK!"

"PERVERT!"

"SQUISH IT!"

All in all it was a fairly normal day in the life of Jiraiya. Peeping, being found, chased by a horde of half-naked-almost always-very-pissed-off-kunoichi, although actually caught by a male and handed over to the females was unheard of and terrifying. "Please don't hand me over to Tsunade, I beg of you! I'll give you signed copies, money, anything!" Jiraiya had reached a new level of desperation.

"Hmmm, no."

"Please!"

"No."

"Plea-"

"No and that is final you old pervert. You'll be handed over to the hag then my business is done." The cold tone of voice brutally stomped on Jiraiya's hope for freedom.

"Oh, good, you've got him." Tsuande's and the horde of women behind her all cracked their knuckles menacingly which ground Jiraiya's hope into a fine film of dust. "Now, this little lesson will involve LEARNING HOW TO CONTROL YOURSELF! STEP ONE: DISLOCATING OF LIMBS!"

The masked figure slipped into a nearby alleyway and doubled over in violent laughter. "You weren't kidding Anko. This really is a great show!"

Anko Miterashi turned to the hooded and masked features of Naruto Uzumaki and said indignantly, "You doubted me? Shame on you! Wait for it… ouch, that's gonna hurt like anything later." Jiraiya's mood ascended to a godly level of vileness as he heard one two psychotic voices yelling out requests from a nearby alleyway and he vowed to hunt them down. _If I survive this beating..._


	74. Paint

**Paint**

_A/N: For _**Odhora**_ who requested an interesting one._

* * *

Gaara had his bear, Temari had her paper fans and Kankuro had his 'war paint'. It was one of the few things that he wouldn't change simply because Gaara disagreed; it was the one thing he'd continue to do no matter what anyone thought. It was his escape from the world, his bastard of a father, control freak sister and deranged brother. 'War paint' was the mask he shielded himself with so no one would see his tears as he worked on his puppets or the scarred, bloody indents on his palms from where his nails frequently dug in. His hands were suffering from violent tremors as he removed the paint in his room; the only place he felt safe in the village. Angry tears were flowing down his face and mixing with the paint, dripping into the basin.

_Why doesn't he care? He ignores us, especially Gaara… it's not Gaara's fault… It's _your _fault! YOURS!_

"I hate you… I hate you for what you did to us, what you did to Gaara. I hate you _father_ and I hope you die in the most painful way possible… I'll wear this paint because it defies tradition, defies what "our family stands for" and most importantly, because it defies _you_!" He whispered harshly, his eyes glinting maliciously. Unknown to Kankuro he was not alone in his ritual: his little brother watched through a crack in the door, silently encouraging his brother's righteous defiance. Gaara would have loved nothing more than to hug his brother but he felt that glomping his brother at such a stressful time would not be appreciated.


	75. Worship

**Worship**

_A/N: For _**Odhora **_and _**Sonar**_ who requested a spot of Konohamaru. For some reason I've started to favour this style of writing… now to find out what it's called. ;)_

* * *

Pranks, pranks, threatening his own grandfather… more pranks. _Why won't anyone see me for what I really am? _

"_**Honourable Grandson… behaviour… unacceptable…"**_

"HA HA! TAKE THAT!" _Come on! Send the ANBU after me; you did it to that other guy. Why won't they take me seriously? What… EBISU!? HE SENT EBISU AFTER ME!? This is humiliating…_

"_**Honourable Grandson…"**_

_I'm not Honourable; I'm just like everyone else… I'm sick of getting away with everything; is it that they don't care about me so they don't do anything? No, it's not that, it's the hero worship… Stupid, stupid title! Who was the idiot that thought that giving the people related to the Hokage titles? Morons...  
_

"_**Honourable… Grandson…"**_

_Shut up…_

"_**Honourable…"**_

_Shut. Up. Shut. Up. Shut up!_

"_**HONOURABLE GRANDSON! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?"**_

"**SHUT UP!** I AM SICK OF BEING HONOURABLE, I AM SICK OF BEING WORSHIPPED BECAUSE OF IT AND MOST OF ALL I'M OF SICK OF GETTING AWAY WITH EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF IT!" Ebisu's eyes widened behind his glasses and then filled with something akin to understanding. "Do you have-" Konohamaru was sent flying before he could finish the sentence.

"Honourable Grandson or not I will not be treated this way. This will require punishment-five laps around Konoha… _Now!_"

"HONOURABLE GRANDSON, IF YOU DO NOT SPEED UP YOU WILL GET A DEMONSTRATION OF MY KATON!" Konohamaru grinned to himself as he barely avoided the flaming projectile. _I'll get my face on the mountain grandpa and I won't use the Sarutobi name to do it!_


	76. Outbreak Part One

**Outbreak Part One**

_A/N: _**Odhora **_gave me a wicked idea when he asked for teams. _**Eli**_, I'll be getting back to your requests in 3 days after my exams finish. :) Based on real world events. ;) _

* * *

_  
_

"Aww, how the hell did all did all the teachers get sick at the same time? They're all swines if you ask me."

"Ah cram it Kiba, we're not asking you! I don't know why you're complaining; we get to torture the Academy students and lay down some discipline! Come on, it'll be fun!" Naruto's eyes had a dark gleam that contrasted his bright smile that the others failed to notice.

"K-Kiba-kun, it won't be _that_ bad."

"What Hinata said… and Naruto does have a point about the discipline; most of the students are spoilt brats. Maybe if we teach a lesson they'll never forget, the teachers won't have as many problems." Chouji mouthed around his chips. Shikamaru and Shino were quick to add an opinion of their own.

"As troublesome as this is, I feel that this may be a test. How likely is it that all the possible people who could have filled in are all suffering from a flu outbreak, while the rest are out on missions?"

"Agreed. This is no coincidence, we must be careful on this mission as we are most likely be evaluated. None of my insects have detected anything out of the usual though; perhaps they have found another way to monitor us." Sakura and Ino exchanged looks, while Sasuke considered violently smashing his head against the brick wall; he hated children, they always stared at him.

"That does sound a bit farfetched, but this _is_ Kakashi sensei we're talking about. Everyone here knows that he's… erm… not quite right in the head." The Genins snorted at Sakura's 'kind' description of her sensei.

"Yeah, the pig's right. Your sensei is nuts and no doubt would have convinced _our _sensei to schedule 'team bondage' time or something like that and Asuma would have convinced Kurenai to join in no problem. Kami knows the teachers wouldn't have objected to the plan; they're always after more holidays." Sakura ignored the comment, for once not biting the bait.

"So, we're going with 'the plan'? How troublesome." Naruto cuffed Shikamaru across the head as Sasuke banged his head violently against the brick wall, his fan girls for once unaware.

-

"Damn they catch on fast." Asuma was disappointed.

"Oh, don't worry, Naruto will be sure to spice up whatever plan Shikamaru comes out with." Beneath his mask Kakashi was resisting the urge to cackle like a maniac as plot was put into motion. The Academy teachers present, all, ahem, 'suffering from the flu' and Kurenai couldn't help the long suffering groan that escaped them. This was one mess they did not want to clean up.


	77. Outbreak Part Two

**Outbreak Part Two**

_A/N: This is a mish mash of mini scenes. :)_

* * *

_The Academy students smirked at the shy Hyuuga sitting ever so daintily on the edge of the teacher's desk. "What a lightweig-" **CRUNCH! **His desk was mangled by a glowing palm strike that left splinters of wood hurtling through the air._

"You were not asked for your opinion." Shino and Kiba exchanged smirks as the student was grabbed by the scruff of the neck and had his face brutally smashed into the remains of his desk. Dropping him to the ground, ignoring the pure fear permeating room, Hinata calmly retook her place at the teacher's desk. "Now that the unpleasantness is over I will now take the roll." _I can't believe I just did that… Naruto will be proud. _Blushing slightly Hinata started to call the roll.

-

"Oi is that the demon brat?" Naruto was struggling to repress his rage as the student pointed in his direction.

"Heh, I think we'll skip over history today. Boring… I can't remember half the stuff anyway…" Naruto mumbled under his breath.

"Huh, how can a demon a few thousand years old not know about history?" One snidely asked.

"Well, _excuse me_, but being a few thousand years old means I'm more likely to forget stuff so forgive me for needing to refresh it every now and again." _Mmmm, I can taste that fear… Mmmm, midgety goodness… _"And for disrespecting your elders, "Naruto leered, "you get to assist me with today's demonstration." With that Naruto seemingly teleported behind the unfortunate student, Index Finger of Doom outstretched. "**Hidden Leaf Village Secret Finger Technique: Thousand Years of Death!**"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The flaming student was propelled straight through the blackboard and into the next classroom while his fellows watched on with true horror at the sadistic expression on Naruto's face. Not a minute later Sasuke stuck his head through the hole, the student struggling wildly in his grasp.

"This one of yours, idiot?"

"Unfortunately."

"According to Sakura we have kunai practice next and need a moving target, you mind if I borrow him?" _What good timing, I could hug you… Wait… Eww, I _did not_ just think that. _Naruto smiled chillingly.

"He's all yours, bastard."

"Thanks, moron." Sasuke ducked back into the room, his moving target in hand.

"Anyone else going to make stupid comments today?" They all cringed backwards, desperate to escape the manic figure. "I thought as much." _Oh I LOVE this job!_

-

"AHHH, I'LL BE GOOD, JUST LET ME GO! PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!"

"How dare you insult my good looks you little snotty brat! I'm not letting Chouji move until you apologise!"

"Pheh, this is so troublesome Ino. Just let him go already, he probably didn't mean it."

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

"Nothing." Shikamaru sighed.

"That's it you little brat, we're taking this outside." Ino bodily dragged Chouji and the unfortunate soul underneath him from the room Shikamaru sighed once more and turned to address the remaining students.

"Class, this is a very valuable lesson. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned indeed. Class dismissed, oh, you might want to avoid Ino on the way out as she's still in a mood and is likely to dismember you. Have a good day." _Naruto was right, this is excellent stress relief, I know Ino's having fun tormenting that kid. Chouji looked like he was going to burst into laughter…_

-

"We should do this every time we need a day off." Kakashi didn't look up from his book as he spoke.

"We know what you're up to; you're just trying to get rid of your team." Iruka treated Kakashi to the Death Glare his students feared so much and Kakashi soon knew exactly why. Being a male and being forcefully dropped into the female bathhouse was not pleasant experience and nor was it one he wanted to any rate, the legacy of the Rookie Nine lived on and what a terrifying legacy it was for no students dared to invoke the wrath of a substitute teacher ever again in the history of Konoha.


	78. Wakeup Call

**Wakeup Call**

_A/N: I'm getting back on track with _**eli's **_now. ^^ Yes, it _is_ about bloody time. :)

* * *

_

_Oh Kami, what happened last night? Is that… is that Sakura? _Kakashi's eyes widened dramatically as beads of sweat ran down his neck. _Tsunade is going to mutilate me… Naruto is going to set his 'fuzzy friend on me'… Jiraiya is going to congratulate me and then Tsunade will drag me back from the dead and kill me again for it; with a spork this time… With my luck Sasuke will pop up again and torture me with his Sharingan… Life really doesn't get much better than this; being murdered in about 180 different ways all in the one day…_

"Kakashi-sensei?" _Here we go, I'm dead._

"Yes, Sakura?"

"I'm sorry about falling asleep here after dragging you back from that bar. I realise that this is probably dangerous for someone of your reputation…" _Thank you Kami, thank you! Nothing happened, I'm saved! _"So perhaps you can explain to Tsunade as to why I'm late?" _NOOOOOO! _Was what Kakashi wanted to say.

"Sure Sakura." Is what came out instead.

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei!" _You have no idea just how much I sacrifice for you Sakura at times like these… no idea… If only you weren't so much like Rin... then maybe this wakeup call wouldn't be such a bad thing. Especially if Tsunade becomes involved._


	79. Childhood

**Childhood**

_A/N: For _**eli **_… I think, losing track here. *cries*

* * *

_

Shino, Kiba and Hinata in particular were filled with childish innocence as they played with the other children in the park while a bitter figure watched on.

**You hate them… don't you? **

_Why should I not?_

The happiness of the situation, the lack of suffering in their eyes made him sick.

**Are you jealous?**

_No…_

The ease with which they socialised with each other was so natural.

_Never with me. Never, no matter what I do they'll always hate me._

**If you aren't jealous than what are you?**

_I'm angry._

**Why?**

The filthy looks thrown in his direction and the hurtful comments affected him no matter how well he hid it with his smile.

_They don't acknowledge me as anything but a monster; don't care for my feeling or dreams. They're the monsters, not me._

**You want to hurt them.**

_Yeah…So?_

**Surely not all of them deserve that, not all of them have done anything to you to deserve it.**

A ball sailed through the air and landed at his feet. No one came to retrieve it. Fear was in the eyes of them and their parents at the sight of him. Then they were gone, innocence replaced by fear and loathing. Hatred burning in their eyes and his; the one thing they had in common.

_You saw that, they deserve it. I haven't done anything to them yet they hate me. They deserve every painful thing that happens to them._

**Why?**

_I just told you why._

**Why?**

_Shut up! They very last person I'm going to justify my actions to is myself!_

**If you're sure... I was only trying to help...**

It would be months before Naruto ran into the voice that whispered into his mind. He figured that the voice wasn't that bad; it _did _introduce him to ramen and how could he possibly hate it for that when it did end up helping him?


	80. Flirting

**Flirting**

_A/N: Here's another for _**eli**_.

* * *

_

_Argh, why don't they ask each other out already? If this has been going on for as long as I think it has then it's no wonder Orochimaru left… If _I _had to put up with this every day then I'd quite happily experiment on people just to get away from these two. _

"Tsunade-hime, come on!" _I'll be your even more bestest friend with sugar on top! _Minato mockingly added on.

"Jiraiya, I'm busy." _And if you don't shut your damn trap I'm going to shove my bottle of sake down it._

"Surely not that busy…" _Insert dirty, dirty, suggestive thoughts here with the subtlety of an Exploding Clone._

"Not now!" _You bastard, making me _blush_ in public. I'll castrate you for this later… with a toothpick._

"Is Tsunade-hime embarrass- MMPH" _Can't breathe!_

"Speak up Jiraiya-kun, I can't hear you properly." _Insert sickeningly sweet voice here please and possibly life threatening blow to the throat. Damn, this is getting violent, better get out of here before they take it out on _me. **Excuse me, but I had no desire to interrupt your bout of sexual frustration towards each other. I'll see you both when you start acting your respective age. **_With any luck I'll be in Suna before they find this…_

"**NAMIKAZE!" **_Two of the Sannin untied, I'm screwed. Note to self: DO NOT PROVOKE SANNIN IN A MOMENT OF SEXUAL TENSION!_


	81. Hospital of Horrors

**Hospital of Horrors**

_A/N; I think this is the last in _**eli's **_block of requests. ^^ Not to be rude, but _**eli**_, kindly hold back on your requests, I want to get to everyone else before the one hundred chapters. A short one. :)

* * *

_

The wailing noise punched through the thick walls without losing intensity. It pounded the ears of doctors and nurses alike who all retreated at the sound. "Are we under attack?" The freshly trained nurse asked.

"Of course not, what do we teach you people these days? Shizune, remind me to overhaul the hospital system at the first opportunity I get. We need to fix the amount of idiots we train."

"Yes Hokage-sama."

"As for you, I don't know how you got this job if you don't appreciate newborns." The young nurse couldn't help but tremble at the vicious look thrown her way.

-

Kurenai was completely oblivious to the world as she held her now quietly napping newborn. For the first time in many weeks she was actually something close to happy which all of her team could happily agree with just by the look on her face. Tsunade's look of horror as she was named godmother was branded into Kurenai's mind and would amuse her for many years to come.


	82. Betting

**Betting**

_A/N: For _**Sonar**_, hope it didn't turn out too badly.

* * *

_

"Ha, you can't do anything to me. Nyah nyah, you can't catch m-ack!" The members of Akatsuki couldn't help but wince at the resounding thud as Tobi's face met the ground.

"Is there a reason as to why he is not being restrained?" Pain's image only showed faint curiosity at the sight of Tobi being violently swung around by a claw made of sand.

"To whom are you referring, Leader-sama? Tobi or the Ichibi Jinchuuriki?"

"Not now Itachi! I have good money on the outcome; the Ichibi squishing him!"

"Nah Kakuzu. Tobi'll escape; people like him always do." Kisame leant back lazily. _Well, at least they aren't at each others throats… for once. _Pain noted dryly.

"Shut up you fu-" Hidan hurriedly changed track upon seeing Pain "-heathens... Leader-sama." The highly conspicuous coughing issuing from both Kisame and Kakuzu was worthy of one of Hidan's grammatically correct glares. "If you both don't shut you traps I will come over there and rip them the fu-"

"-Nevertheless, we must extract the Ichibi, so if you would restrain the container now…"

"Wait… wait… HA! I told you he would escape, didn't I Kakuzu? Pay up!" Kisame winced at the expression on Pain's face and the even more so homicidal one on Kakuzu. With a look of great regret Deidara sighed as Tobi's still alive form bounced into view… head still attached. _Oh Kami, why couldn't he have decapitated him at the very least?_

"Now that has been solved; who was it that allowed Tobi near the Ichibi in the first place?" The awkward silence and a suspicious lack of Zetsu said it all.


	83. Numb

**Numb**

_A/N: Sorry about the lateness, I was not well and had to deal with a virus infecting my computer. This is something that has been bouncing around my mind for the last couple of days. This is short and sweet… or sad rather, from Itachi's point of view if you don't guess.

* * *

_

I want to feel something other than this complete apathy. I want to feel pain, regret, anything that will make me feel human once more. My little brother's eyes which were filled with betrayal stare at me through the darkness and I still cannot find a dreg of emotion no matter how far down I go; not even remorse for what I have done. I admit, for the first time in many years, I long for the company; someone who can tell me why I can't seem to feel anymore. If only I could cry… Anything to take away the terrible numbness and indifference that is apathy.


	84. Ghosting

**Ghosting**

_A/N: For _**Odhora**_, I'm going to do a couple of short and sweet chapters. It's almost impossible to get the same kind of affect from the longer ones.

* * *

_

He could feel it nagging at him… that little something as he looked at Sasuke. A faint whisper on the breeze seemed to rustle the leaves around him.

_Traitor… _Juugo's eyes widened slightly at the long dead voice.

_I retrieved him for Orochimaru-sama and then the ingrate killed him… _"It wasn't in vain, Kimimaro… He still has the Seal, he could still be alive." Juugo muttered, desperate to sooth the spirit.

_No excuse… killed… only person… cared… me… _Juugo froze as he felt a blade whistle through the air near his neck. Sasuke stood menacingly to the side, blade outstretched.

"Stop encouraging the dead. It achieves nothing."

_You're lying! _The hissed words left an echo like a whip crack. Even as Sasuke stalked away the voice whispered. _You're not denying it… _

"I don't answer to the dead. The dead answer to me." _Delusional fool. I don't know what Orochimaru-sama saw in you other than gullibility and your usefulness as a tool… _There was silence apart from the sound of a blade cutting what appeared to be air and a wailing scream that followed.


	85. Squirreling Around

**Squirreling Around**

_A/N: For _**Sonar, **_yet another short-shot. ^^ I'd rather give you something to read rather than nothing.

* * *

_

"Wait, do you hear something?" Konohamaru turned to Naruto who nodded silently. With great care they peeked around the corner.

"Dammit! Get back here, I _need _that paperwork!"

"Is that who I think it is?" Konohamaru had a look of awe on his face.

"The Old Man? Is that a squirrel he's chasing? I knew I brought this camera along for a reason. Heh heh, blackmail my old friend, so we meet again." Konohamaru was humbled by the sheer _evil_ that bled into the surrounding area.

"Boss, lose the evil, he's going to find us!" The aura of evil immediately lessened. Naruto's eyes still held a strange glint as he raised his camera.

"Gotcha! **Katon: ****Karyū Endan! **Damn squirrels, it's a good thing I fireproof all of my paperwork…useless being Hokage… can't… even... stupid… squirrel…" Konoha's population shuddered as the ominous cloud passed through it and in his office the Sandaime felt something unexplainable that left him trembling on his chair.


	86. Bad Dog

**Bad Dog**

_A/N: For _**Ayase, **_super short one.

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_

"Bad dog, down!"

"GRRRRR!"

"NO! Get off my leg you silly mutt! OFF!" Meisu Looked at the disobedient puppy.

"DOWN KIBARU!" Kibaru immediately flopped to the ground, whimpering submissively at the towering demonic figure in front of him. "Good boy. Do you want a treat? Awwww, good doggie." Dein backed away from the bipolar _being _standing in front of him.

"Wow, it's true. You really are top bitch around here." His only answer was a 'sweet' smile and powerful fist to the guts. The only thing to comfort him as he attempted to force his intestines back into waist was knowing that she was Yahiko's girlfriend and not his. Though on second thoughts, it wasn't as comforting as he first thought as he imagined Yahiko grinding him into a small puddle of goo.


	87. Swine

**Swine**

_A/N: Another one for _**Ayase**_.

* * *

_

"Shizune, where's Tonton?" Tsunade asked leisurely from her poker table.

"I don't know, Tsunade-sama… She was around here a few moments ago. Where could she have gone?"

-

"Kabuto…" A deadly hiss traversed the room.

"Orochimaru-sama?"

"Why is there a _live pig _sitting on my bedside table?" Orochimaru blinked at Tonton and Tonton blinked back. **ACHOOOOOO!** "AHHH, the filthy thing sneezed on me! Get rid of it, _now!_"

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama! Right away!" Kabuto hurriedly latched onto the struggling pig and unceremoniously tossed it out the window.

"About- **A-CHOOO! **Grrr… _Get. Out. Now._" Kabuto fled the room. "Filthy animal… think it gave me the flu… **ACHOOO!**" In the relative safety outside the room Kabuto allowed a small snigger to escape him.

-

"Shizune, have you found her ye-wait! There she is! Bad pig, Tonton!" Tonton shrank submissively and happily curled up in her owner's arms. It would be much to Tsunade's amusement that she would later learn the events of that day from an immensely smug Pakkun.


	88. Yearly

**Yearly**

_A/N: For _**Majolein.** _To _**Temkira**_, it's better to put at least put some form of politeness in your request if you want a hope in hell of me bothering with your request. Simply demanding things is incredibly rude. Hidan is censored here because I'd rather leave what he's saying to your imagination. ^^

* * *

_

_Once a year is all I ask for and even then they fail… The conflict is incredible… It's at times like these I think myself a fool for trying to change human nature…_

"Oi, Zombie Twins!"

_The insults are nothing new; Kisame spends a great deal of time preparing new ones for each meeting. I would imagine he gains some sadistic amusement from it…_

"Go !#$ yourself, you !#$-"

_Then again, it is more probable that he enjoys the reaction. _

"**-**Hidan!"

"Sorry, Leader-sama."

_I admittedly find the way they squabble similar to how siblings squabble… from a highly distorted perspective…Is this is what being a parent is like? In a strange way, I have come to enjoy these yearly meetings even though they are filled with conflict._

"Oh Kakuzu, I heard that your last bounty got away. That must have really-"

"-Be quiet Kisame… Leader-sama has been waiting for quiet before he speaks."

_Itachi has always been more than he has let on… but I am thankful for his ability to quiet those present… They all care to an extent… Even Kakuzu though his care is more about his bank balance than his partner… I am glad that these in person meetings are only once a year; it truly does give me something to look forward to each year._


	89. Free yet Caged

**Free yet Caged**

_A/N: For _**Odhora.

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**

I do not envy my sister. I feel no jealousy over her being the first born or the duties she will one day receive. I am to be caged by my own clan, something I needn't worry about so long as Hinata leads it; she has always been the kindest of the Main house towards the Branch family. She has _never _activated the Seal; even during her Chuunin Exam she never used it on Neji to gain the advantage. She doesn't have it in her to hurt family… she is one of the few Main house that actually acknowledges the Branch house as blood family. No one in the Branch house has ever complained about guarding her; they see her as perhaps the only escape from the years of slavery.

Hinata will be caged by clan, country, tradition and whatever else is to be expected of the Clan Head of the Hyuuga. Able to act yet for the same reason not be able to because of status and expectations. I will only be caged by what she does or does not tell me to do… I pity my sister; for the Branch house see her as their future and I see her as mine…With a burden this great there is a chance that she will fail under its weight… Listen to me prattling on like this; I'm starting to sound like Neji or a senile old man for that matter.


	90. Brotherly Relation

**Brotherly Relation**

_A/N: For _**Luna **_and _**Majolein**_, sorry about the lateness, but I'll try and catch up if my exams tomorrow don't kill me with stress.

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_

"Will you train me?"

_Every time he asks me this I feel a sharp stabbing pain near my heart. Ever since I took the supposedly "great and beneficial" position for the clan I no longer have time for my little brother. _

"Not this time Sasuke."

_He expected the response but was still crushed each time the words left my mouth. It truly is heart breaking that my little brother, who should the pride of the clan, is so lonely and ignored by his own parents._

"Mother, Sasuke looks upset… Can you please have a word with him as I somehow doubt father will get around to it?"

_Hopefully mother will get the hint and comfort him… Poor Sasuke… I can't help but pity him: at least mother acknowledges my existence; father can't even do the same towards Sasuke._

"Is he? Oh poor boy, I'll go check on him as soon as I finish putting this away."

_I really do love my mother, not only because she cared for me but because she shows the care and affection that Sasuke needs and deserves… unlike my brute of a father._


	91. Puppet Play

**Puppet Play**

_A/N: For _**Sonar** _and I have no idea if I managed to pull this off.

* * *

_

"Dammit, just die already!"

"No, I will never be defeated!" The children watch in awe as one finger puppet dealt a devastating flying kick to the other sending it skidding off the stage.

"Is that all weakling? I will never fall to the likes of a _thing _like you…"

The scorpion like finger puppet whipped its tail across the other's face leaving a realistic bloody gash. The children's gasp of shock turned into one of despair as the curtains closed and a **To be continued **sign dropped down.

The two hooded and masked anonymous puppeteers exchanged challenging Looks as they both slipped off into opposite directions. Kankuro and Sasori both heaved a sigh of relief and shuddered as one as a shared thought floated across their mind. _Thank Kami no one I know saw that… and if they did I'd have to dispose of them… Painfully and slowly. Though it's not as if I can really hone the fine points of puppeteering any ofther way.  
_


	92. Rivalry

**Rivalry**

_A/N: For _**Marjolein **_who wanted to see Ino and Sakura. I'm sorry for these short ones but with exams around the corner I'm too stressed to do anything longer for now and I'm certain that it's not one of my best.

* * *

_

"Sasuke-kun!"

It started off a childish rivalry…

"Piggy!"

…But soon grew into something much more sinister.

**Ha, Naruto kicked the pretty boy's arse!**

A mind with a spilt personality was terrifying as Ino discovered.

**Nyah nyah!**

The sheer manic personality that lay in wait had a degree of viciousness that put Hidan to shame. Ino had never quite recovered from her journey into Sakura's mind and would have been terrified to hear the response from within.

**Hell yeah!**

To think such a thing had occurred all for the sake of rivalry, which Tsunade would later learn from a babbling Ino, was truly a traumatising thing.


	93. Unwanted Pity

**Unwanted Pity**

_A/N: Sorry about being so late, exams are torture and I still have two more tomorrow. –cries- For _**Sonar and Odhora. ^^ **_Not a lot to work with here and my creativity was massacred by my exams.

* * *

_

**Thunk… Thunk… Thunkthunkthunkthunk…** _Why does Neji look so depressed? He should be happy that sensei is entering us into the exams at all this time… Even then I only think he's doing it because it's being held here._

**Thunk… Thunk…**

"Neji, isn't that uncomfortable?" Tenten marvelled at the sight of Neji's inhuman flexibility as dodged the projectiles. _He's at a practically 90 degree angle… is that just part of the Gentle Fist style or a side effect of something else?_

**Thunk!**

"Not really. It is quite common to have flexibility like this in the Main house." _He sounds proud but at the same time bitter._

**Thunk… Thunk… Thunk…**

"They only teach the Main house? Isn't that unfair to everyone in the Branch house?"

**Clang! **The tossed kunai was harshly met by one of Neji's own.

"Your pity is unwanted; I have been dealing with the repressing of the Branch house for long enough to be use to it if not happy with it." Neji's glare momentarily weakened. "Your help and… sympathy on the other hand is appreciated." Lee and their sensei would later stumble into the unnaturally loud clearing to find their team mates in an all out spar. What followed after the discovery of Neji's and Tenten's "youthfulness" traumatised even the toughest of listeners.


	94. Girls' Night Out

**Girls' Night Out**

_A/N: For _**Ayase! **_Keep those requests coming! I'll only be going on hiatus after the one hundred chapters are done with this story. I might try my hand at another project as well before I head back to this after the one hundred chapters. ^^ My sanity has left me for the duration of writing this drabble.

* * *

_

Sake, dating tips and tipsy female friends on a night out all held an ominous aura about them to the males of the Ame orphans. Yahiko especially had look of awe as he watched Meisu through the dusty bar window. "Kami… I had no idea it was possible to do that…"

"Poor, Konan. She looks so embarrassed." Nagato felt rather than saw what went through Konan's mind as a pool table was turned over. _Embarassed? Mortified more like._"Er… Yahiko? DUCK!" Nagato and Yahiko through themselves to the ground as a bemused male shattered the above window and impacted upon the floor.

"Nagato, I think this has gotten a little dangerous-"

"-OH KAMI! NOT THE LONG HANDLED SCRUBBING BRUSH, FORGIVE MEEEEE-ARGHHHH!" Nagato and Yahiko blinked at the anguished scream that emitted from the bar.

"Yahiko, we should really get out of here… preferably _before _your nutcase girlfriend sees us."

"Aha! Found you!" Meisu's demonic aura was enhanced by the mysteriously burning building behind her.

"Too late! Leg it!" Nagato and Yahiko came to a stunning conclusion; spying on a girls' night out was never a good thing. Meanwhile, Konan was attempting to bend her mind around how a simple night out led to the bar they were in going up in flames. She came to a stunning conclusion of her own; where there's fire, there's generally Meisu nearby piling wood onto it.


	95. The End of Pain

**The End of Pain**

_A/N: One of my own on Pain/Nagato, sorry about the lateness and lack of updates. If you really want to help me I advise you take up pitchforks and torches and mob my school. ;) More requests are always appreciated! ^^ Thank you for being so patient!

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_

The boy is right, but with that look in his eyes can he truly be called a boy? The grief, the torment, the _pain_ in his eyes is different to my own just as his seal is different from the others of his kind. None were quite like him. They were weapons. The sole reason for their creation relied on their ability to destroy those who opposed them and their masters. Tools for they who had no wish to sully their own hands with death.

Naruto was not made to be a weapon even though the fools in Konoha regard him as such. He was, and still is for the time being, a sacrifice; a protection against Madara Uchiha in life and death. So long as the demon within him is contained it can no longer be used or have its mind manipulated against its will. Naruto Uzumaki's life, unlike the others, is meaningless. Dead or alive he will accomplish the task his Sealer had set him and for that I pity him. To have a life so empty is depressing but even more so depressing is that he realises this… Astoundingly though, he overcame it and fought for a reason of his own… I feel no quickening of my heart for doing this, nor any fear as I free my hands. The end of my pain is near and in my last moments I feel relief for with Naruto at hand peace is truly within my grasp.


	96. Old Days

**Old Days**

_A/N: For _**Odhora**_, and yes I do have something in mind for the 100__th__ chapters. ^^ I'm sorry about the choppy updates. :(

* * *

_

"Ramen!" Shikamaru, Chouji and Kiba couldn't help but grin at the sight of their hyper friend charging into his favourite ramen stand. "Some things never change." Kiba snickered. _Thank Kami for that, Naruto was _way _too mature for someone having just gotten back. The old Naruto would have pulled off some high profile prank just to announce the return of the future Hokage. Damn I miss that Naruto…_

Shikamaru oddly enough was comforted to find Naruto once more coughing down ramen at an absurd pace. "Hmm, don't choke Naruto, it'd be troublesome."

"Lazy arse, I suppose breathing is also too 'troublesome' for you?" Naruto fired back, grinning. _Never change Naruto; we need more good natured people like you around because there clearly aren't enough._ Shikamaru gave a lazy shrug and resumed staring at his bowel of ramen.

"ACKK- elp!" Naruto's hand flew forward giving Chouji a solid smack across his back and a half chewed chuck of pork exited his mouth at high speed.

"You all right?" Chouji nodded as he gasped for breath.

"Yeah, fine. Thanks." _Not just for stopping me from choking, but for also showing that you can watch my back off the battlefield as well as on, just like the old days._

Naruto's fake yet convincing grin slid back into place with practised ease. _They've all changed in the worst way; they have that haunted look in their eyes. Eyes that have seen too much… eyes like mine. What happened while I was gone? What have I missed? _ His friends continued to eat, so absorbed in their own thoughts that they failed to notice the unusually sad and regretful look on Naruto's face.


	97. For the Greater Good

**For the Greater Good**

_A/N: For _**Ayase**_, from her OC, Meisu's, P.O.V. To _**Trilesta**_, expect your request soon and your spelling isn't all that bad compared to most. Meisu is the invention of _**Ayase,**_ so now you know who to ask if you want details on her. :) Oh yeah, I don't mention the 'reason' on purpose here.  


* * *

_

Ya know… there isn't a lot in life that really pisses me off. I mean, there was the usual moments of complete stupidity from Yahiko when he was still alive that could do it and the occasional antics of others, but this really takes the cake. Being flung to the ground in preparation for a demon extraction by your once but now insane friend would piss most people off. Not me. That isn't pissing me off at the moment.

Nagato, Pain-whatever he calls himself these days- use to be my _friend_. I know why he's doing this; the real reason. Not the bull that he's feeding these idiots and more importantly the bull that he's cramming down Madara's throat. Speaking of Madara; the man is such a gullible idiot if he thinks he can control Nagato. If I know Nagato then I know he has a way out of almost anything, including death, and Madara won't realise that he's been fooled until it's a century too late. I won't cry for the crazy bastard when he's gone; I'll dance merrily on his grave, sake in hand.

Back on track, it's not his reasoning that pisses me off. It's the phrase he used to describe it… He said it was 'for the greater good' of humanity that I die. To that I say _screw the 'good'_ _of humanity_; they never made the plight of the vessels any easier for us even though we were doing them a service. I told him as such, straight to Yahiko's stolen body. Damn Nagato is creepy these days; it's sick using Yahiko like a human puppet. "Pain, whoever you are, humanity can go screw itself for all I care as they don't deserve what I endured." I don't believe it; the bastard is actually _smiling_…

Smiling as my three days of agony begins… I'll be waiting for him when he dies though, I'll greet him at the gate and be sure that the door closes painfully on his rear end on the way in… Naturally nothing has gone according to plan if that smug look on the pale face of Nagato is any indication.


	98. Seemingly Unloved

**Seemingly Unloved**

_A/N: For _**Trilesta**_, only two more to go. This is from Asuma's point of view, a short one and I am once more sorry for the lateness. :(

* * *

_

When Konohamaru's parents died I couldn't bring myself to cry. We were never close and had even less contact after the falling out I had with my old man. So it was completely out of the blue when their kid was dropped into my lap and I was expected to take care of him. I don't think it ever occurred to the old man at the time that there was a reason I never had kids of my own. I'm not role model material, any idiot can see that… which is why I think Konohamaru was used as an excuse just to get me to come back in the long run.

I wouldn't put it past dear old dad to pull that on me… but what he did to his own grandson was downright cruel. To hand him over to someone you know who isn't good with children is a terrible thing to do, but to do that and never attempt to compensate for the expected neglect is even worse… But maybe, just maybe, he's more manipulative than I give him credit for… Where Konohamaru was once unloved he's now only seemingly unloved with a whole host of new friends to boot… I really should have given the old man more credit… It's too late now at any rate, always too late…


	99. My Reality is Different to Yours

**My Reality is Different to Yours**

_A/N: This is one of my own from Naruto's point of view, he feels a little out of character to me, but please give your opinions. Any requests which I haven't done yet will be gotten around to after the one hundred chapters and my hiatus. ^^ Sorry about the lateness, I had this ready yesterday and forgot to update. :(

* * *

_

It's amazing what you can see when you have no bias, no friends and no life experience to go off. It's odd really how our view of the world and people is changed so much by it.

I mean, let's look at Sasuke Uchiha; considered the brooding survivor, Last Loyal Uchiha, major crush of this female generation and loved by everyone… Everyone but me that is… They see that. I see someone who is haunted by their past, frightened by their future and dismayed by their present. Sasuke Uchiha is no great, tragic hero, but a terrified kid bumbling through life; one naïve mistake at a time… I see a sheltered kid that never had enough exposure to the real world to grow up and is lashing out at everything around him. Naturally if I so much as mentioned this to anyone I'd be carted off to the loony bin.

Sakura is the single most unfeeling, selfish person I have ever met. She didn't care about the feelings of Lee or me; we're losers not _good enough_ for the likes of her. It really is sickening the way she still clings to the traitor that abandoned us all and expects me to drag him back. Some see her as being traumatised by the whole incident… I see her as being just as traitorous as Sasuke for not once caring about what _I_ feel. Amazing how other people would see me as the traitorous one for _daring _to _think _this about a team mate of all things when the poor dear has suffered so much… She really does have the lot of them fooled, but she's not as talented in the area as I am.

Kakashi… I can understand why the man can't lay eyes on me without wincing. He blames me for the death of his sensei, the unbalancing of the universe, the killing of his cat (accident, I swear!), blah, blah, blah, you get the picture. The council must have been completely senile to think that he wasn't rusty. They probably still think that he's the magnificent prodigy he was all those years ago… Well he ain't. They're obviously too dense to realise that most of the time he sent a Shadow Clone to train us while he was getting back into shape. Most would say he favoured Sasuke, well it's not that he really _favoured_ him, it's just that the Clone was less likely to be _dispelled_ training Sasuke than Sakura or me. Of course, Sasuke and Sakura never figured it out, but I have more ability with Shadow Clones than they ever will. Kakashi still denies it, though the photos Anko got say otherwise.

Amazing huh? I mean how many other people would look at people this way with all the rumours and bias floating around? No one, but you want to know why I think this way? Well, the answer is simple: _my _reality is different to _yours_. Reality is based on perspective after all.


	100. Fickle Events

**Fickle Events**

_A/N: I've been absolutely terrible with getting this up, the flu has been going around lately but that's no excuse for me being this late. I'm not sure what you'd consider special for this chapter, but I thought I'd something out of the ordinary. Think of this as a subtle tribute to you guys. This will continue (although updates won't be quite as frequent) after the 100 chapters, but there'll be a hiatus for 3 weeks at the very least. ^^ This chapter has a bit of everything so to speak. See you all in a few weeks. :)

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_

_Drip…_

A dark blotch of ink splattered across the page as brush met paper.

_Rustle…_

The flipping pages of a book whispered softly around the room as it was left to dry on a shelf.

_Requests…_

Consideration bloomed across the shadowy features of an unknown figure as they paged through the requests stacked hazardously on the nearby desk.

_Laughter…_

An amused chuckle, bordering on a cackle echoed throughout the room at the contents of the requests.

_Thoughts…_

The hunched figure continued to laugh as ideas bordering on insane floated through its mind.

_Decisions…_

One was made and with that, events the figure only saw as fickle and easily remade, unfolded.

-

**A dango eating woman cackled manically as an irate masked ninja chased down a legion of blond haired Shadow Clones who each held an orange book. She whooped with glee and snapped photos of the masked ninja, unaware that she and the others would soon be erased.**

A page was ripped from the book and lobbed expertly into a bin. Another idea discarded and another creation removed from existence.

-

**An emaciated pale haired man lay wrapped in thick sheets as he struggled to breathe. The concentric circles in his eyes still held the power of sight, and he'd be damned if he didn't at least see the fruits of his labour. The blue haired woman beside him could barely contain her disbelief over her old friend once more cheating death. For a moment her vision flashed and saw blue eyes, blond hair and a wicked grin in his place before it faded.**

The page was gently extracted from the book and left on the side to dry. The idea had its merits and possible use as future material.

-

**Team Ten stood about exchanging stories about their families while Naruto stood to the side. Shikamaru lazily told them how his father once snapped threw him out of a second story window to make him start taking training seriously. Shikamaru confessed that he has always had a small fear of heights ever since the incident which his father had never forgiven himself for.**

**Chouji told them of The Great Akimichi Food Shortage and the day of absolute anarchy that followed. The household, Chouji especially, erupted when they learned that his father used the incident as motivation for clan training. Chouji learnt a valuable lesson along with the rest of his clan that day; never expect to have things simply handed to you.**

**Ino told them of the riot that had occurred in her families flower shop due to an uppity family getting antsy over types of wedding flowers. Ino fought for her life for the very first time that day and realised that any situation could run out of control as easily as that one did.**

**They all looked uneasily at Naruto, who instead grinned and told them tales the likes of which they'd never heard before. He told them of the daily chaos at the Hokage Tower when Sarutobi was still in charge, the cowering Jounins that were tossed out the windows when the Hokage was particularly irate, the Council member who doted on him and saw him as a prospective grandson instead of a future asset to be used. It was then his friends realised that despite him not a having a blood family his family was every bit as strange as theirs.**

The figure smirked and carefully blew on the ink until it dried. It was definitely a keeper in its eyes.

-

**Yahiko and Meisu first 'date' involved an argument, a bar brawl, screaming patrons, burning buildings and a long handled scrubbing brush shoved into a **_**very **_**awkward place. It quickly reached one of the top ten things they loved to do in their spare time; scare the living hell out of people which they easily achieved by being in the same room together.**

A slow blink followed the end of the piece and an even larger shudder followed that. It was tossed onto the Pile of Things to Consider and promptly forgotten about.

-

**A pink haired girl cried uncontrollably as her sensei attempted to pry her hands of her dead team-**

The figure didn't even bother finishing the piece as ripped it from the book and expertly pegged it into a nearby and highly convenient fire. It wasn't feeling that cruel or gloomy today.

-

**Kakashi Hatake regretted many things in his life. One of them was never telling his blond student that he was indeed that mysterious ANBU that use to take care of him before he died. At their first 'official' meeting Kakashi could have tacked reading, gardening and studying jutsu onto Naruto's likes and fan girls, Council members and civilians onto his list of dislikes. These days Kakashi spent more time staring at Naruto's name on the Memorial Stone than even Obito's; Kakashi never forgot that Naruto was that little spot of light in his life after all his friends had died.**

The end of a brush tapped a page thoughtfully and it was left to dry on its own. To keep it or not to keep it, that is the question.

-

**Konohamaru glared out his office window and was forced to hold back tears at the sight of Naruto's grinning foxlike face carved into the mountain next to his own. He always thought that there was something a little off about Naruto's carving, but it was only after finding the mind boggling stash of prank materials inside did he realise why. He chuckled at the memory of a particularly annoying Council member leaping into a pond to avoid a swarm of bees. That stash really did have everything.**

A slightly amusing piece in it's eyes, it would certainly lighten the gloom. Yes, this one would also be kept, no need for these people to exist in _constant _misery, as amusing as it was.

-

The figure leant back in its chair lazily and placed down their brush. The wet ink gleamed in the faint light and figure couldn't help but wonder if the seemingly infinite pages of The Book in front of them would ever run out while they continued to selfishly play god. A mirthless chuckle filled the air as it realised that only time would tell… Provided it let time exist that is… As everything else was so fickle, why would that be any different?


	101. Inspection

**Inspection**

_A/N: I've been away for far longer than intended, but that's what happens after your podiatrist tells you that all your medical problems over the last decade stem from a previously unknown birth defect. Thankfully it's well on its way to being fixed. ^^ On other matters, sorry to everyone as I planned to update last week but was sidetracked by the usual family obligations around Christmas and New Year. Thanks to anyone who reviewed or messaged me to get me back on track. Happy New Year everyone!_

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_

The past week was an unparalleled nightmare for Hiruzen Sarutobi. Sleepless nights marched along in a sprawling line with no breaks. Message upon message from meddling nobles assaulted his desk and patience. Reports of security leaks drenched the system and disappeared just as quickly behind enemy lines. Ibiki's own report did not bode well.

"_How did the perpetrator gain access?"_

"_The target seems to have entered through a maintenance hatch in the sewers, Hokage-sama. The smallness of the hatch itself has narrowed down our list of targets substantially. We should have our list of suspects within the next couple of hours. It reeks of a professional job at any rate."_

-

His daily sanctum – infiltrated.

His security – compromised.

His paperwork – devouring his desk.

His week – crushed under heel by the seeming insignificance of a sewer maintenance hatch of all things.

"_Anko's been itching for a new victim to play with. Who knows what other juicy information this guy will have_?"

-

Torture and Interrogation were taking the opportunity to demand a pay rise. They were quite happy to hold out their hand for the latest pain inflicting machine or knowledge on the market. Sometimes they even bypassed the market entirely.

"_Ya know, Hokage-sama, if we had _decent funding_ we could afford some exotic stuff from Mist way. I'm itching for one of giant cleavers they always brag about. Man, the _fun _I could have with one of those babies. One swing of one of beasties and VWOOM, off with an arm..."_

_-_

Between the security breaches, bureaucrats and staff demands, Kakashi's information came as a rather impromptu yet hefty miracle to the haggard old man.

"_What have you found?"_

"_Maa, stop rushing me, the culprit has no grudge against Konoha and never intended to breach security like that. Although Ibiki is gonna be in for one hell of a surprise when he gets back to the office later. "_

"_Oh kami, _no_..."_

"_Afraid so. Don't worry, I brought him with me."_

"_..._"

"..."

"_Naruto!"_

"_Eh heh, sorry?"_

-

Rolling 'resignations' thinned the bureaucratic ranks that day as Sarutobi spread his wrath across the unsuspecting masses.

"_You are telling me that this utter _disgrace _occurred because the paperwork for sealing that entrance was never filed?"_

"_So it would appear."_

"_... Naruto, how would you like to do a little favour for me?"_

"_Hell yeah, Old Man! Is it guarding some princess?"_

"_I suppose you could call it that."_

_-_

He neglected to inform young Naruto that protecting the 'princess' would involve heavy reconnaissance of aforementioned sewer system.

-


	102. Remember Me?

**Remember Me?**

Hey,

You may remember me from tragedies such as "Oh No, the Bastard Left" and "Why Do People Hate Orange". I'm sure the names ring a bell somewhere in that empty head of yours.

…

No? You _don't_ remember? Come on man! The orange wearing moron! The Fox Brat! The Number One Knuckle Headed Ninja!

…

You really don't know? Geez, what, you get a flying mallet to the face or something? Anko's 'kitchen' knife maybe? There's no way you couldn't know about me. I'm a Legend! See, even history _capitalises_ on my awesomeness. Heh, I made a pun.

…

Nope, still wrong. I ain't a hero by any stretch of the imagination.

…

God I'm sad, but I can't be blamed for trying. Of course you don't _know _me. _No one knows me_. By the time you read this I'll be nothing but a stone face on the mountaintop and a name in a moldy old scroll. Proud, imposing and most importantly –intimidating, a physical testament to Konoha's power of old. Completely fictional and an utter load of bullshit.

…

No, I'm not exaggerating; I _ceased to exist_ the moment my face went up onto that mountain. I became another fake, faceless figurehead doomed to spend the rest of lasting history as a _hero_. I'm anything but heroic; a monster even.

…

A hero to Konoha? Sure, to Konoha maybe; _but what about the others?_ What about the unknown people I've cut down in the name of the greater good? The screams of kids as their parents were cut away by a sharpened kunai? Or maybe even how I cried myself to sleep at night with the knowledge that I was making more people like me. Yeah, a real _hero_ - all depending on your point of view of course. If rampaging amoral monsters are your thing (I hope to God Anko doesn't read this).

…

Yeah, the truth can be a bitch. I should know. It's Sakura's first name these days.

…

You still think I'm a hero? Well that's fine too. Humans make their own truth, always have and always will. Guess that's why the bastard was such a complete bastard. You get some credit anyway.

…

Why? For finding this of course. What the hell else?

…

Well, it's not every day someone breaks into the most heavily guarded records on the continent.

…

How did I know it was heavily guarded from beyond the grave? Well, it kinda makes sense though; where it would be, I mean. Seriously, where the hell else would they keep an _acclaimed Hokage's_ suicide note? Nice job, _awesome_ prank. Kudos to you, my unknown, still living friend.


	103. Captive Prey

Captive Prey

_A/N: Still alive! (And very disappointed in where Naruto's plot has headed). This has been adapted from an original work of mine. A cookie for anyone who guesses the context. ;) Hint: mind over matter. Sorry for being so off in my updates. :(  


* * *

_

You can feel the stone walls closing in around you. A shiver crawls along your spine and your fingers callously claw at the iron door. Each gasp of fetid air rushes ecstatically down your throat. It burns and rips at the tender flesh rubbed so raw by your hollow screams and mournful cries from a time long before. But you've learnt not to scream so loudly; you've learnt not to scream at all. Like a wounded beast you stiffen at the sound of a deep haggard breathing that penetrates your ears. Silently you wonder; if just, perhaps, your time has come to a grisly end at the hands of a more so grisly fiend. All the while you cower and feel its glower.

You are distracted by the violent death knells that the broken structure emits. The shifting walls and rippling floors are anything but stable. The ground buckles wildly beneath your feet. The walls sway and pulse hypnotically; sometimes changing colour, other times changing material. You vaguely note how the entry to your prison phases in and out of being. The world around you feels as though it's about to implode and shatter (although it doesn't really matter).

You slump to the ground as a creature approaches and the ground protests; its breath coming quicker with each of your anxious draws. And you can feel it, can't you? The bubbling signs of hysteria that threaten to leap free from your chest and manifest? But you resist… and the creature quiets to little more than a hiss in the background. You're the image of serenity upon a background of bleak grey. Contrasting, different; prey to those stalking entities that lurk about. And you know how they long for that exotic flavour behind that closed door. So your fingers scrabble for purchase against an invisible wall. Your senses have been stolen. The darkness a dense veil to your eyes and the fiend's breath deafens you. You can hear them searching, snarling but you know there is no true entrance just as you know there is no true escape.

The talons graze you as though through a haze. Eyes that literally pin you with their lasting glare… You remain defiant to some extent with limbs poised to lash out at the ones who might come into range. Those who approached previously were barely held off and were soon to return. They became more aggressive and as the door closed one slipped through. Only the defiance doesn't last long for you slowly sink into the gloomy pit known as despair where only the mightiest of monsters prowl… But _still_ you struggle and _still_ you silently scream that this can only be a dream.

You must simply accept things however they may be; understanding is always key. They never near as they hold their lives dear. They do not pry for sense that they'll die. They do not sleep as life is not cheap. You cannot forgive the lack of tact as you know they seek a certain fact. The breathing is yours but the talons are mine - so which fun game shall we play this time?


	104. Enter the Slaughter

**Enter the Slaughter**

**

* * *

**

Itachi knew that this order could not be ignored. It would be either him or someone else. Someone who would perform the duty with no emotion, no care and no thought for the dead. Someone who carry it out with a sense of blind loyalty; they wouldn't even understand the purpose of their mission. And nor would they question it. But their dogma would carry them all the same. They would slip into the complex and mow down the aged, the infirmed, the able and the young with no distinction. Poison would be used to silence the masses before they descended like wraiths and silently slit throats. His clan would be slaughtered like animals with that someone else as a hooded executioner. Same said someone would escape scot free, their conscience clear, pockets full and prideful. But for that reward a small child's eyes would have closed in the contentment of sleep only for them to never wake again. A bloody gash would cross their throat and mark the otherwise flawless flesh. Never to breathe, excel, grow or even enjoy their existence again. Their murderer would be a stranger; someone who's cruelty they would never comprehend with their innocence.

It would be another massacre; another messy and unfortunate event that would fade into history. If he refused he would fade with them into that obscurity and his innocent little brother too. He would do as they ordered and enter the slaughter. He would ensure that at least their memory if not their clan remained. He may even save a life in the process. He would bare that all that knowledge and guilt up to and through his death and suffer for them what that someone else never could.


End file.
